We stood on a pier overlooking a swirl of frigid water. The air was chilled and we both shook involuntarily from its wrath. As the wind tossed my hair into my face and whipped my body into unnatural positions, it added to my physical discomfort. These were the first signs, of the many I would receive later on. The wind told me to run. To turn and sprint until I collapsed on my own breath and tears-that would have been better than what I suffered. I didn’t run. I moved closer. I let go of myself and lost something I would never retrieve. Because who will listen to the wind? Its invisible screaming does little for its credibility. So I stood there and watched his eyes, which would become so familiar to me later on. I saw him smile. Maybe then he was happy as I stood with him. There was a time when I was all that he wanted. I prepared myself as another chill took flight through my body. Only this time not from the weather, but rather from the anticipation of watching his mouth form words. With a big breath I parted my lips and said yes. I was confident then. Confident that this relationship would not change me. Confident that he could never hurt me. I still don’t remember if this made me happy.
September 8, 2009