Which love wins?

September 15, 2009
By , Tulsa, OK
I feel like crying. Not because I broke up with my boyfriend, but because of what I just learned about myself. I get epic writer’s block when I’m “dating” someone. I can’t write anything except words in my diary and school assignments. That might sound far-fetched to some people, but it feels real to my little writer’s mind.

I have a theory as to why; writing makes me whole, having a boyfriend makes me whole. That analysis also means that something in me, as a person, is missing, since I need other people and things to make me whole. I’m not really sure why this is. I have a great life, great parents, great friends…maybe it isn't that I'm missing something but that when I am “dating” someone I lose the section of my heart that used to have a “reserved for the love of writing” sign on it.

You might be wondering why when I have a crush I can write. I think when I have a crush writing and the guy can share space. Neither one fills my whole heart. The novel fights the crush for space. I like to think that the novel wins. Apparently against a boyfriend the novel loses.

Am I destined to be a Jane Austin? Living my life alone, with my novels? I hope not. I think learning some time and thought management skills are in order though. I think I will only have crushes for a while, nothing that takes much from my writing. I can focus my energy correctly. Yet I’m not sure the only crushes thing is going to work for too long, there’s kind of this guy, in my art class….

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