The Note That Holds a Thousand Feelings | Teen Ink

The Note That Holds a Thousand Feelings MAG

October 11, 2018
By Anonymous

“I love you too, Dad,” I say, choking on my words, trying not to cry in front of everyone. My legs feel weak and my heart is beating rapidly as I walk over to you and share what could be our last hug. I hold onto you as long as possible before I pull away and you walk out the door. When you left, you took a piece of me with you. I hold onto that memory almost as much as I hold onto the note you wrote me. It was so simple and pure, and you didn’t realize how much it would mean to me to this very day. One small note holds a thousand feelings, and I’m not sure if I want to feel them anymore.

It was about an hour into my shift and we were starting to get busy. My co-workers were bumping into each other, frantically trying to serve our customers. My hair whipped back and forth as I walked around the diner making sure all the tables were clean. I could hear the buzz of conversation and dishes clattering. I was cleaning off a table, hot because the sun was starting to shine in through the windows, and I heard someone call my name. That’s when I saw you, and I felt my face get hot. I froze, right in the middle of Maggie’s Cafe.

You stood there for a moment, and looked like you were deciding what to say. You were wearing old, ragged denim jeans and a large sweater. Your hair was shorter, and you had shaved. You were walking with a limp and when you smiled at me I realized we were both missing the same tooth. Finally I realized what was happening and walked up to you. “Can I get a coffee please?” you asked, and I rushed to get you one. While you were waiting you grabbed a pen, and wrote “I LOVE YOU” in scratchy handwriting. I took it from you as you paid for your drink and smiled. When you left I started to tear up. I know I’ll never forget that day, because it was the last time I saw you before you went to jail.

You see, Dad, it isn’t the note that brings me sadness, it’s you. You taught me a lot of valuable lessons, like to never trust a boy or make promises you can’t keep. That night you called me and asked me for money, and I should have stopped talking to you right then, but I had just gotten you back. You bring me sadness because you broke my heart before any boy could, and it affects me to this day. I keep the note with me because I love you. I know you love me too, but your addiction to drugs will always mean more to you than your kids ever will. 

The author's comments:

This piece reflects my relationship with my father and how his actions have affected me and my everyday life. 

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