It Hurts To Say Goodbye

May 11, 2018

I hung up the phone and at that very moment my heart falls apart. Slowly I'm fading away from the inside out, because I'm losing my best friend and the shock was slowly eating away at my soul. My only thought is “no this cannot be real it has to be my mind playing tricks on me,” but in my heart I know that's not true and it hurts to think that I’m one more person adding one more number to the 2.7 million pets that are put down every year. 
My dog Bella was more than the definition of perfect. When I was really young, I was at my mom’s house and we were outside for bella's birthday. We had purchased a cake for her birthday, and we had to hold her back so she wouldn't dive into the cake. After we sang happy birthday to her, we let her loose and she dove nose first into the cake. Later that day, went back outside to play with bubbles, and bella would jump up trying to eat the bubbles as they floated away. Each year we would celebrate her birthday, and another year full of laughter. I always thought we would be celebrating another year together.


When my mom dropped me off at daycare I never would have thought anything bad could happen. The day was going really well until lunch and that’s when everything changed.


I was sitting with friends and it was so quiet you could hear the clock ticking and my sack lunch was sitting in front of me. I could feel hunger rising inside of me as I opened my lunch and it was so loud that everybody laughed. Halfway through lunch the phone rings we all just keep eating the teacher answers the phone and says it's for me so I pick up the phone and it's my mom and the only words I heard were it's time to say goodbye. I was frozen not knowing what emotion to choose. Just frozen in time as my heart broke slowly, painfully, piece by piece. The tears feel scorching hot as they slowly roll down my face like sandpaper. My thoughts are frozen and that's when realized she will not make it and that kills me all the way through.


A little while later, my mom’s friend picks me up at daycare and takes me to see Belle at the vet. We arrive, only to be told to sit and wait. After some time, they brought her in to see us. I run to hug her. In this moment, we’re told to say our goodbyes. I’m crying, struggling to compose myself. My mom, her friend, and my brother, and I are all trying to let her go. I can’t imagine life without Bella.  The time with her goes a way too quickly it feels like seconds. The doctor comes to put Bella to sleep. When he gives her the shot, and only seconds later she’s gone. I feel like my whole world is split in two, but I know that all the pain and suffering is gone.


I keep reliving that day at daycare, and the feeling of getting the phone call that tells me, that I have to say goodbye to the one thing that made me feel complete. I remember everything, it’s filled with confusion and sadness. Bella was our protector. She always kept us together, laughing, and smiling. She made us feel safe. She was taken too quickly. I will never forget the feeling that she brought to our family. Time is a precious thing especially when it's with someone you love.






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