I admit that many, ok maybe all, of my mistakes taught me valuable lessons that people cannot teach me. For example, lying to my parents showed me that dishonesty can break trust and a strong bond with people. But, there’s this one mistake that has been scratching all over my heart, ripping part of my sanity away:cheating on a practice test. It may sound stupid, but the guilt was unbearable. Even though it was a graded petty practice test, the burden felt like an incurable disease. Luckily, the teacher let me off after I told her because I was her favorite student and did the right thing. I thought I would be cured from “guilt-iszitis,” but the symptoms still do not disappear. Shame, embarrassment, and anger to myself keeps appearing again and again. If I could, I would want to turn back time and make this memory disappear. I would get my butt down on the chair, write down the incorrect answer I was planning to write for that last question, and be happy for getting a 6/7 on that dumb practice test, not a 7/7. Then, I can be free from the bonds of “guilt-iszitis,” living a life filled with more love towards myself. But this is life, and I have to keep tripping over myself and recovering from each fall.
April 30, 2018