The Truth About Me

February 16, 2018
By Anonymous

I’m going to open up in this story. I’m going to tell the honest truth of how I feel, this is me.

I’m honestly very shy, until I get to know you. I’m very unconfident, I honestly just hate myself. Everytime I look in the mirror, I’m disgusted. I’ll try and look myself in the eyes, and say I’m beautiful, but my mouth won’t even open, I just start crying. It feels like nothing goes my way. I’m always somehow doing something wrong, so I always get laughed at. I don’t have that many friends either. They all end up leaving, or they just lose interest in being my friend. I don’t think I’m that bad of a friend, I always stick up for them, and help them through anything they’re going through.

Boys, oh my gosh, boys. I have the worst luck with boys, I make them hate me before I even talk to them. They all avoid me. If I’m lucky enough to get a boyfriend they get bored of me very quick, or they just quit talking to me. They seem to act different around their friends, and it kinda hurts my feelings. They’ll be very disrespectful, and their friends will just sit there and laugh at you.

My weight is something I hate the most about myself. Everytime I look in the mirror, I’m disgusted. I hate looking at myself. When I got shopping, I get so upset. There’s things I want to buy, but I can’t buy them because I’m too fat, or I just look too ugly. I always start crying if I look for too long.

I never really learned to love myself. I always get mad at myself no matter what I do. I feel so worthless all of the time, and I feel empty.

I have no one I can talk to when I’m really sad. Everyone just ignores me, or just interrupt me, and start talking about their self. I just want to fit in with people, and be happy. Instead, I’m all alone, without anyone.

I stay up at night, crying. It’s a painful, deep cry. Sometimes, I just stare at the ceiling and think about how much better it’d be if I wasn’t here anymore. I can’t tell people I feel that way, or they’ll go crazy.

No one truly cares about me, I know it. Everyone lies and stabs me in the back. Losing friends hurts, but you kind of get used to it. People don’t actually stay forever, at least for me. They all end up leaving.

People expect me to be happy, but I don’t understand how to just be happy. Everything goes wrong. I mess up everything, and I make people feel disgusted. I know people hate me, but I literally can’t do anything about it.

It’s always going to be this way. I won’t ever have tons of friends. I won’t have a super pretty face, and I won’t have a boyfriend that actually like me. I have to learn to except that.

I don’t understand why people turn on me. I’m always kind to people, and I do everything I can to put a smile on their face. I stick up for my friends, and help them through any situation.

Everyone loves to lie to me. They say things that I know they’re lying about. It honestly hurts, but I just act like I believe it. When other people try to mess up someone’s friendship, it makes me so upset.

Having a true friend is important. I feel like I don’t have one of those though. I’m always the friend that gets left behind. The friend no one invites anywhere. The friend that gets all of the dirty looks.

When I was growing up, everyone said, “You’ll find out who your true friends are in High School”. Honestly, I never believed that. I was dumb to thinks it’s not true, it’s literally the most accurate thing ever. I lost so many friends, so fast.

I’ve had so many broken hearts, and I feel like I should just give up. I won’t ever be good enough for anyone, or anything. No one understands that.

I wish I could just snap my fingers, and be beautiful. I wish I was skinny, and I wish I had long, beautiful hair. I don’t ever get attention from people.

Maybe, one day i’ll learn to be happy with myself. Maybe I won’t. Things can change so quickly, and I hope and pray, things get better for me.

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