Night and Day

January 4, 2018
By , Durham, NC

I like the night. I don't know why. I like the way it seems like the consequences don't set in until morning. I like the way the stars can shine only at night because the sun takes away from their light. I like the way everything fades back into its background and no longer do we use the eyes to judge our surroundings. I like the way the night provides an atmosphere for us to feel safe enough to sleep, yet is hated by so many. So when the sun hides away and the moon rises in replacement, I find comfort in this “strange” time of day (why does it have to be day?). So maybe I just prefer to be awake at night, or maybe I can't help it. Either way, every night, I'll toss and turn until sleep brushes over my eyes, and I can't hold it in anymore. But until that moment, my mind wanders. It wanders into the deep unknown and the places I wish I could go, into the world where my mind isn’t constricted by the laws of society and can be free.


I can't help when I start to think, and it mostly happens at night too. My mind is always on, never tuned out enough to stop. I wonder, Does this happen to everyone else too? I would like to think I'm special, that I possess some quality that is purely my own. Maybe that's why I think. Maybe that's why I want to stick out in the crowd, why I seek over-acknowledgement. That’s probably not a word. I like making up words but not just random words. I like combining words to create new words. Who invented words? I doubt it works like that, but how do languages develop when everyone used to be in isolation. Surely they developed their own languages each. But without a language, how did people think? Did their brains used to be different so that they didn't think in the same way that we do? How were their brains so different? How do our brains even work? They’re so small compared to the power they can hold. How did brains even form? Did brains have to be created before life was? How was life created? Why were we created? What is the meaning of life?

Stop. I want to stop, I should stop. But everytime my thoughts cloud my head with fantasies to appear as “pitiful” or “strong”.  They show me the life I could lead, or want to, compared to the one I do now. These thoughts show me a life where I don’t care about being judged, just about being myself. They let me dream, but they also hold me back. Because living in this alternate life isn’t really living at all. I want to be able to control my fears and my dreams, to have that strength. I want to be able to live my life, my only life, to it's fullest, both day and night.

I like the day. I like the way it's light reveals some of the beautiful scenes. I like the way sunlight pushes through the thick branches and leaves to give light to the places below. I like the way light seems to bring happiness, as if literally “brightening up your day”. I like both day and night, I guess, so maybe I’ll be able to stop thinking, pause the constant stream of controlling thoughts, and figure out how to really live, during both of them.

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