*this is not my story, yet this is how I believe my sister would tell her life story*
The bullying never stopped, it was always wide hips, samoa nose, big head, small eyes and are you Asian? NO! But yet I never had the courage or bravery to stand up for myself. My parents were always fighting over the smallest things.
“Why don’t you ever give her money?! You don’t care about her! That’s why you left her like this,” those were all the things my mom would tell at my dad for over the phone.
“I'm living paycheck after paycheck what do you expect! I do f***** care she is my damn daughter, you're just afraid to lose her,” responded my dad in a angry frustrated tone.
My mom would lower her voice and hang up, just crying her heart out for some odd reason I never understood why; that's probably why she yelled at me all the time, to take out the anger that was inside of her. My siblings were the only friends I had, I had two brothers: Gilberto and Sergio they were both older than me, and a year apart from each other. I also have two younger sisters, ‘Dalys and Halo who are twins. Yet out of all them, the one that was my favorite was, Dalys. I'd tell her everything, she was my safe haven, she helped me and was there when I needed her the most- yet I'm sorry I did this to her. Everything was so overwhelming and stressful, I was sick and tired of everyone putting me down, making me feel bad about myself, and making me hate life. So they succeeded and won the battle they intended to make.
One day, I went into the twins room expecting to see both of them there but Halo wasn't home, she was probably at her boyfriend’s house. ‘Dalys was the only one there so I told her,
“Hey Baby Sis, you know I love you right.”
“Yeah?,”she said in a confused tone.
It's probably because I never told her I loved her but I should’ve told her more often. Then after, we laughed and I hung out in her room where she started to question me,
“why are you sad all the time?”
I was so scared that she figured out thoughts, my intentions, I started to rub the scars on my wrist and thighs- I didn't respond.
“You know I'm here for you, I can-,”I cut her off as fast as I could.
“I know Okay! It's my mind so get out of it, they're my thoughts, so point blank I'm not telling you. It's my life I control it!” I howled at her.
I could tell she was worried and scared, so I stormed out her room. As I was walking through the hall into my room, the tears started running down my cheeks, once I got inside the room I shut the door and cried. It felt like the Pacific Ocean was in my room. I went into the bathroom, locked the door and got the blade that was taped under the cabinet. I slit my wrist until I saw the thick red blood,at this point all I would do was cry and ask why. Why is it me that people constantly pick on? The anxiety and pain medication that the doctor prescribed me wasn’t working, I think those pills were bullsh*t. The government shouldn’t be subscribing this to patients. It didn’t work to stop me for doing what I did.
Next day, I was walking down the hall toward my room and Halo, the other twin, asked,
“Vannah, Are you okay?”I completely ignored her and continued walking.
As I went into my room, Sergio and Gilberto were in there waiting for me, I was excited to see them. All we did was watch American Horror Story and eat snacks, the twins came and joined us and it was my favorite thing to do, it was our family thing. We're like a team, more of a clan that never would break even if one leaves they will be remembered always, yet I wasn't satisfied with the life I was living.
It was a Thursday night that I wrote my suicide note, but I did it differently well not what you would expect. I wrote 5 different letters: one for my mother with a bracelet she gave me when I was 7, one for my father with the blade I used, one for my brother Sergio with a picture of us two together I had in my dresser for years, another for my brother Gilberto with my favorite ukulele, and lastly one to my sister ‘Dalys with my favorite t-shirt, sweater and my teddy bear. I put each one of the letters and gifts on a line on my white desk, set up the noose and the stool. Everything was in place, my plan was in fact but before I took my life I needed to do one last thing. I went outside of my room and went into the twins room where my brothers and sisters were at watching Bates Motel with our munches.
“Can I hang out with y'all?”
the twins smiled and said
in unison. I did my favorite this before I died. Once my brothers left to their house I said and I hugged them as tight as I could
“I love you twins, always and forever, alofa atu,”
‘Dalys gave me a kiss on the cheek and said
“aloha wau i? ‘oe.”
“love you big sis.”
I smiled and started to cry, I went into my room and I was ready it was my time to leave. So I stood up on the stool, wrapped my neck with the Noose and jumped. I can see the light and I'm up here in peace watching over the Twins and my brothers. The end of the each letter I wrote to my siblings were:
To Sergio: brother, you, Gilberto and the twins were my only friends and you know that because that's cool you never bothered to stop people from bullying your own sister and this is what happened I'm sorry if it comes out in a wrong way but it was like you didn't care I love you big brother.
To Gilberto: never stop being funny love Vannah
To Halo: I know you looked up to me but never do what I did never stop living, Alofa Atu, Vannah.
To ‘Dalys: baby sis I love you truly but I wasn't happy with what I had. You were my rock, my go-to, the sunshine on my darkest days I'm sorry I did this to you the ‘Dalys. Just know you're truly special and one of a kind. Always and forever, Vannah.
*Rest in heaven always and forever my angel*