One More Time

November 29, 2017

Being heartbroken for the very first time is the worst pain. Being heartbroken feels like your life is never going to get better; life is a never ending circle of disappointment and depression. The thought of not being able to say goodbye to my best friend of thirteen years makes me ache every day. Every day I think about Jazz and how I should have said goodbye to him. I think about how I should have enjoyed more times with him and not worried about trivial things such as my phone and finishing a netflix series. I knew the end was coming, but I still did not do anything. I did not want to face the fact that I would never be able to see him ever again. This pain caused me to regret my final words to my dog.


Sitting there by his cage and holding him is a moment I wish I could get back for eternity. To pet or cuddle with him one more time is a moment I will wish for, for the rest of my life. Sitting on my living room floor with my dog in my lap, I knew it was close to the end, but I still refused to tell him goodbye. I did not tell him that I loved him because I did not want to face the reality of what was going to happen the next day. These few moments I will regret for the rest of my life. I wish I had told him that I loved him and that I will always remember him. I wish I would have held him tighter and kissed him all over. Not doing these things caused me to regret my final moments with my dog. The following morning I got up, got ready for work and did not acknowledge the presence of my dog, knowing that in a couple of hours he would be gone forever. Of course, I told myself that he will be in a better place, he will not suffer anymore, and he will be happy, but that still did not help the fact that he would be gone. I acted selfishly and wanted him to stay with me forever and never leave my side. I wanted him to be with me, even if he was still suffering. Thinking these things made me regret everything I did during his last few moments.


Through this whole experience, I learned to treasure every moment with the people I love. I will always regret my last couple of days and hours with Jazz and I will never forget how I felt this past summer. It hurts knowing that I could have spent those couple of hours in a more meaningful way. If I could go back in time and stay up the whole night just to hold him, I would. This experience has me me realize that something can happen to the people I love at any second. God shows us warnings so that we can make the most of our time together, or we chose tot ignore them and it can end all of a sudden. When you are given a warning, treasure those last moments with the people you love most in the world. I will always regret not treasuring those moments with Jazz because I was stubborn and selfish. I will always wish for as little as one more second with my dog. From now on, I will treasure every single second that I get with the people that I love.






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