Happiness filled my mind. I was as happy as a kid in the candy store. April 20th was my aunt’s birthday and I was excited to give her her birthday present and eat her favorite cake.

But then I realized everything seemed to be off. It was warmer throughout the house than it normally was. The lights were dimmer than normal. The smell of strong coffee and stale cigarettes floated throughout the house until dad met me in the living room. It seemed as if he tried to pull an all nighter and failed. He had a five-o’clock shadow, being at work steadily didn’t give him enough time to shave, only enough time to shower and dress. The squarish round glasses that set atop of his nose were a soupy white color due to the heat off his coffee. Dads normal outfit in the morning always seemed to be a pair of pajama pants, two sizes too big and the strings tied in a big large bow to hold them up on his lengthy yet slim body. He always wore this large sweater that had these two dogs, that were opening christmas presents and they weren’t satisfied with what they got, it almost seemed as if it was clipped right out of the newspaper and taped to his shirt. 

I got up, got around for school and wanted to ask my mom a question but I didn’t want to wake her up so I made dad go wake her up.

Don’t make her mad, if you do it’ll be a bad day.

I wanted to do my usual Wednesday plans, get up, go to school, walk to the salon, hanging out with a friend for awhile and go home. Dad went to wake Mom up and he said, “She won’t wake up and she’s cold,”  “Come here.”
Dad has finally gone crazy, maybe I should get him admitted somewhere. What should I actually do? Whatever, he’s playing.

Dad was screaming at Mom and I just couldn’t understand why.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I yelled through the small but perfect house.

I didn’t want to go see what he was talking about but my body slowly made me get up off the couch and scuffed my feet all the way to their bedroom, it had seemed as if someone had taken over my body and was making me do something I didn’t want to do. When I finally got into the doorway involuntarily, Dad took my hand and set it on her leg, it felt as if I had opened the freezer and all of the cold air rushed onto my hand.

What is even happening right now?

Slowly I began to back away out of the room, it felt as if I was moving as slow as the world is spinning.
Dad followed.

We went back to the living room where we had started this strange day.  We sat looking at each other in amazement and confusion,  neither of us said anything for about ten minutes.

Uhmm dad, help? Please?

When dad finally grew the courage to break the silence, he asked, “What should we do?” and I immediately with no doubt and absolutely no thinking said, “Call 911 and after that call Nana.”

Dad called 911 and they said they would send a responder.

Why is this happening?

Dad got off the phone with them and called Nana, I could hear what she was saying on the phone, my dad busted into tears and said, “I think Kymmy is dead” and I heard her say, “Are you just messing with me?”

Dad repeated himself, and so did she, they did it for about two or three times until finally I heard Nana say, “Okay, I’m on my way.” So I went outside to calm myself down as much as I could before I got to worked up and puked.

Don’t puke BreeAnna, everything is okay. You’re freaking out over something that isn’t even happening.
I didn’t want to puke. I watched as the fire truck pulled into our driveway saying that the ambulance was on its’ way.

Voices. All I can hear is voices. Who are these people? Just leave, everything is fine. Nothing is wrong. Mom is still asleep is all. She will be awake and watching television when I get home from school. I don’t have time to play games, I have grades and school to worry about.

I finally got the strength to get off the ground as I heard dad and all of these strange voices approach me, I looked up the stairs at Dad. With tear filled eyes he just slowly shook his head and began crying even harder than he was before. I fell to the ground. My legs seemed as if they were the I-beams of a ten-story building, that just couldn’t hold on anymore.

What. Is. Happening. My. Life. Is. Falling. Apart.

After what seemed to be forever, my family finally appeared. They came, car after car, until they were all there. I got in my aunt’s Jeep with our dog Scooby, he wouldn’t stop barking with all of the strangers around. My  aunt came in the Jeep to call the school and tell them I wasn’t coming in today because Mom had unexpected passed last night.

Why, help, please.

My aunt, my cousin and I went to the gas station in dowling which was about a ten or fifteen minute drive from my house but today it seemed like forever.

Why did I leave her? Did I have too? I feel terrible. I want to go home.

We all walked into the gas station looking like we had literally just died and got revived, just as if we were in a video game.

Let’s just leave, I don’t need something to drink, I’ll be fine. I will get something later. I have to be there with her.

When we finally got back to my house, after what had seemed like a lifetime, there were a few more strangers there then there was when we had left. I felt as if I missed something and I kind of felt bad.

Two of the three new people that had showed up, started walking towards me and I didn’t really want to talk, but I didn’t have a choice. They asked me what had happened and I explained to them everything that I knew. They told me they were sorry, I told them it was what it was. These two ladies told me that even under the terrible circumstances that it would benefit me when I go to college.

Of all the things these crazy ladies could say to me, they say that?

I went and sat on the back bumper of my cousin’s Jeep, my legs felt like cooked noodles and I didn’t have the want to stand anymore. So I sat there with my stuffed animal in my hands, and waited. I waited for everything to be okay again. I sat there for about ten minutes until this strange plump man came walking mourning, to me. He asked me everything the ladies did, but he asked me a lot more questions. It seemed as if they wouldn’t ever stop. He asked me this particular question that struck me sideways and I got angry and started jumping at his throat. He went into my Mum’s room, where she was and he saw Nyquil and asked me if my mum was suicidal and if she would’ve tried to commit suicide. That’s when I had enough of all of these irrelevant and annoying questions.

What the hell are you thinking you idiotic psycho?

I answered the man’s questions as best as I could without cutting through his soul with my anger. Finally, with what seemed like an eternity, they left. The paramedics came down and gathered all of the people that mean the most to me, around in a circle so we could all hear what they’re saying at the same time so they don’t  have to explain it again. They told us that we all could go up and say our last and final goodbyes to my mother. 
What are you talking about? We have to say goodbye?

We all went inside arm in arm, row after row, my nana, my cousin Alyssia and I were in the front row. 
Why. Why. Why is this happening?

All of the people that mean more to me than water means to a fish, were following me as I was the leader. They were following me as if I was the lead dog of a mushing team. We slowly made our way through the door, we walked through the living room. We walked through the kitchen. We got to my mother's desired opening.
I want to leave. Let me leave.

I got to the doorway and saw her as still as a rock and as purple as if she had been a lilac bush, growing slowly throughout the spring and summer. I cried and screamed, I couldn’t hear anything, my ears were ringing, I tried to run out of our simple space but as I approached the door I knew s*** was going to hit the fan literally. I fell all the way down our tremendously small, yet large stairs onto the cold hard concrete.

Stop crying it will all be okay. It’s just a scary dream.

I got in the car. The warmth began to calm me as I just sat there and stared off into the distance, trying to find something to keep my eye on and something to bring me at least a little bit of comfort but nothing seemed to do the job.

I just want to leave, get in the car Aunt Boomie, let’s go, I can’t handle this anymore.

What had seemed like an eternity, only a minute had passed and my family slowly emerged from the stairwell, walking towards me and not for a second did I think anything was ever going to feel okay again until I met Him.