The way that my identity affects my life everyday is really frightening. I live in fear everyday waking up knowing till the day that I die that I cannot be like the others in this world. Knowing that I have a spanish background my life is ruined. The mindset of mine just hangs on the edge and just tries to stay positive as I stay negative on the inside knowing the truth. Just because of who I am I cannot live like others that are privileged and live a good life. I’m not saying I live a terrible life, but I know that as hard as I try I will still be disadvantaged in a way. Even though, I’ll mow your lawn, wash your car, fix your car, or sell food on the corner for paper. Meaning that our kind, families, and other friends usually work their butt off just to earn their way of a better life. Not just for themselves but for their family as well. Just like I know my mother and father do the same to provide for my family, and I know for a fact that my aunts and uncles do the same for their family too. Knowing that today my friends and family are different from others I know that they’ve been through alot and are still proceed everyday of their life to be better.
Coming from a place we were born in originally, I was not aware of. It just suddenly happened when I was in elementary school. Who would’ve known that the our life and the people of my culture were different. We didn’t have the same privileges as all the other people that we would share a community with. I was just a little kid not knowing much. I knew that at my school there was a man who he would always sell stuff after school. For example, he would sell stuff like raspados, elotes, doritos, etc. Then, one day the man was questioned by police officers. At the moment I wasn’t sure what was going on, because then again I barely know right from wrong as a little kid. So what happened next was that I told my mother that I wanted to buy something from that man, I walked up to him and as I approached I felt my arm swing back and I was being pulled. My mother have snatched me back. She told me that the man was in serious trouble for doing what he was doing and he could possibly be in more trouble because of who he is and where he came from. Then my mom explained even more about the poor old man not having some sort of papers and about him being illegal, I was shocked to hear my mom say that we are the same as him. We can’t risk being questioned or having be caught suspicious because us too.
We are the same, we come from the same place as the old man. As soon as the old man was cuffed what had happened was that all his belongings and stuff that he was selling had been taking from him and all his stuff being sold were nothing, but just free items given out to everybody. Here, I knew what was right, my best choice and what to do was to walk away and ignore it. As much as I wanted to help I couldn’t. That man is the same as me being illegal, undocumented, immigrant. It sucks it honestly does. I was very angry, disappointed, and sad that very day. From there on I understood. In my community and around me there are many mexican immigrants that are the same culture as me and my family and friends. Although that does not stop any of us from continuing and moving on every single day of our lives. I can tell you one thing though. Most of us are scared and nervous at the fact that one day we will lose to someone because of a separation that the government does or something happens. Then we will all not be together. I know that all of this might be overwhelming, but take it from somebody who had learned this back in elementary school from a sad time. My life was different, I knew that because of what I am there would be others to judge, criticize, or just be a douche instead because of who I am. Meaning my Identity. After what happened I knew that I was probably going to be afraid to be deported. Well ain’t that special, I knew people from my culture are special. I now can see where most of these so called “Immigrants” hang out. They go to like swapmeets, homedepots waiting outside for work, and anywhere in stores. We’re everywhere, and I am part of that culture and community. Whether I like it or not it is who I am. My identity.