The Kid Who Farted

October 23, 2017
By Anonymous

Pro tip: Never go to McDonalds… like never. Just don't.

“We’re on a trip in our favorite rocket ship, zooming through the skies, little Einsteins!” Blasted from Andre’s iPad as we were riding on the road to Yellowstone. Of course it had to be this song. Andre had short hair with some bangs. He was wearing a 49ers hoodie, with some jeans on. Smack bang, on the middle of his nose was a pretty big mole. He always seemed to wear long-pants rather than short. I was the opposite. I would always shorts. That's if it's above freezing point. I was wearing that hipster tie-dye shirt, going well with the aqua shorts I was wearing. Since we were in the desert mom always insisted on wearing a hat, but I never wore hats, just because I always made my head feel much hotter.

It was a bright summer day. School had ended about a month ago. We were driving through a desert an outside felt so hot, that I felt like I could cook a egg on the front part of the engine. The ground all around us was dry, looking like a dried ancient river bed. Once we were finally out of the desert all things starting going wrong.
We had stop in a small town called "Veld." We saw a McDonald's fast food restaurant and decided on eating there. The building looked really old, with the classic McDonald's logo on the roof top. The town itself looked like the McDonald's. The houses were standard wood and paint, but the paint was cracked and didn't seem to have been repainted in years. The roofs of the house were the old style with mud and brick. It looked really odd to me that all the houses had these weird spirals, with a bent in cone. I had ordered two egg mc muffins at the restaurant and once I had ate them I suddenly just farted. Then I farted again. And once more. Mom and dad were in the restroom, when out of nowhere, the janitor had ran out of the building, while I just laughed in amusement. A smirk went across my face as I couldn't resist the smile. My brother had made the loudest comment ever, "P.U. that smells."

Every customer and staff had then rattled their heads toward us

Curse my brother, I thought. I let out a little giggle, like the kind of hehe giggle. With everybody having their eyes on me, sweat started to come down my face. My face was turning red hot with embarrassment. Then all of the people started to smell the horrible smell as well. That put even more pressure.

You know that saying of "At least it can't get any worse?" Well, I instead I just said, "Things could be going a whole lot better." Of course it just got worse anyways, as people started to take out their phones. I got that feeling of my stomach being squeezed with tension, not being able to take a breath. The next moment I felt like I was going to go on social media, with the caption of, "The Kid who Farted!" Then a video would pop up and show nearly everything that the customers witnessed. Just as all of the flashes and photos went out, a homeless, drunk person just came walking in.


"Gimme that cheeseburger right there, would ya-" He took a long breath, and I mean long breath, in where it lasted like ten seconds. "Huh, what's dat smell? Who did it."

I then ducked a little below the table until only the nose and above were showing. My brother then pointed at me. I took a peek around to look if anyone would do something, but they were just a shocked as I was. As if nothing could get worse, my stomach had let out a grumble, and the loudest fart I think I've ever farted just came out, "TOOT!!!"

The drunk guy didn't make anything better, and in the corner of my eye there was somebody recording this. I mean all of it. A large laughter came out of the other customers and staff, while the drunk dude just hung over me looking as if he were to hold a grudge. His bitter breath smelled like anchovies, while his ragged coat just stood down on the floor. I just then imagined that coat to be a batman cape. That was a memory I could never forget.

Mom and dad still weren't out of the bathroom, while my brother was just casually eating his meal. I wanted to just leave the building, run around like a psycho, and dive into the nearest trashcan. After I couldn't take it anymore I just closed my eyes shut, hoping for the best.

"You little buddy is goin to have some problem wit me!" the homeless dude shouted into my face. It's not like I'm deaf you know. My natural reaction had just made me push the drunk guy away. He twirled around and face planted into a Big Mac, then he slipped off the table and passed out. Shivers went through me thinking that I did something wrong. The Big Mac owner had looked wrinkled. I braced myself for tons of yelling, but what came out isn't what you expect from the ordinary, "My god-" My teeth clenched together, feeling like my teeth are going to break "That was amazing!" A sigh of relief came out from my mouth.

OK hold on a second. He just said that, that was entertaining. Mind Blown! On the way out of the door the wrinkled man handed me a twenty dollar bill. Even more mind blown!

“A twenty dollar bill, you’ve got to be kidding me!” I said

“Nah” A smile went across his face. “You deserve it I haven’t had this much entertainment in years!”

Even more mind blown till’ the fact I couldn’t even feel my butt. By the way, I don't like the feeling that I couldn't feel my butt.

Mom just came out of the bathroom. When she heard everybody laughing, she asked “What happened when I was gone?” My brother was just about to speak a long breath, but I cut him off with “SSSHHHHH! Literally I mean Shush!”

"Hey that's rude!" Mom said.

"Whatever" I said, very disrespectfully.


Dad just then came out of the bathroom, not knowing a single thing that just happened. We went back into the car and continued the dreadful trip to Yellowstone, without mom or dad knowing a single thing that just happened at McDonalds. Yet, I still have to beg for my brother not telling mom, nor dad a single thing that happened. At least he's forgot… for now. But a positive outcome of this experience was that for once I actually learned something: DO NOT ORDER A EGG MCMUFFIN!

The author's comments:

It was an embarrassing moment, but I’d figured I should write about t, to attract people.

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This article has 1 comment.

Mr.Gr said...
on Oct. 30 2017 at 5:41 pm
Mr.Gr, Cupertino, California
0 articles 0 photos 73 comments
Wow! That was incredible! Courageous storytelling. Hllarious!

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