During my sophomore year I thought I would never see the light. The horrid people that came into my life is what made my cheer experience so awful, forcing me to remove myself from the team. I was blinded by what was making me feel discouraged, and cheer was definitely making my self esteem drop.

It all started when I made varsity, I was beyond thrilled. That is however until I looked at the list on who’s in the rounds. There are three of them; the first one is for chanting,  the second one is for tumbling, and the third one for stunting. I had only been in one round out of all three. The coach claimed that I wasn’t in the second round because there can only be twelve girls. Evidently, I wasn’t in the third round because she felt as if the “stronger” people should be in the stunting round.  Instantly, I felt as if I couldn’t do anything.

Anxiety flowed through my veins as I drove myself to the first practice of the season. It went okay, in the beginning. That is until we reached the rounds that I wasn’t in. I had to sit on the floor by the coach and watch. The only thing I had to comfort me was my own, sad, thoughts. I had felt as if I was pierced through the chest with a knife.

It was dreadful.

Watching all of my friends do their thing on the mat while I was helpless. As if I couldn’t feel devastated enough, the girls would whisper about me. I heard the exact words “I feel so bad for her you know, she’s just not good compared to us.” My body turned numb after processing those words. The girls made me feel like I didn’t have any value. Their remarks had destroyed me. Our first competition comes up, and I think to myself “I deserve better than the despair feeling that comes upon me every time I walk into this gym.” In regards of those feelings, I messaged the coach and explained with reasoning why I would no longer be on the team. She was not happy about it, and replied with some hurtful words. I then explained to her that I had been on the team for two years and was continuously the one getting left out of everything. She didn’t understand the concept and told me “I don’t know if you would make the team again next year.” Confused and shocked, I replied with “Okay.”

A year has now gone by and I don’t regret my decision to quit for a second. I’ve been loving myself more and stressing less. The whole situation made me realize that you should do the things you love in life, and eliminate the things that make you doubt yourself. Cheer was not a good experience for me, but we all live and learn.