My Life

October 11, 2017
By Anonymous

 Have you guys ever felt like you don’t belong in this world or you look different from everyone? well I have. I grew up being different from everyone , look nothing like my sisters or brother. I lived in a town with everyone looking the same but I was the different one. Me being different from everyone made a lot of girls hate me. Always felt left out the family , even my twin sister looks nothing like me. I wish I was the girl with long straight hair and brown eyes but I didn’t look like that. I’m the girl with the curls that bounce as I move , gem like emerald eyes, dark perfectly shaped eyebrows, the skin of caramel, skinny and tall. At a young age I never accept the way I look, me disliking the way I look brought a lot of problems to me in school.  I got bullied in elementary school and middle school. If I was confident with myself I would of stood up for myself but I wasn’t. I just believed the hurtful things they use to tell me. I never knew how to stand up for myself. Bullying is like a grudge, that never goes away. Always hiding in the bathrooms stalls. Always had a tightening of my throat and a short intake of breath. Tears burst out like water from a dam. All I could do was cry like it would never end. I felt lonely and I didn’t know what to do. I was so miserable and depressed. The person that I thought who love me and would always be by myself no matter  what , my best friend for life was the one who made me feel like I was nothing. I was the girl that would dream big and would not let anyone tell me I can’t do it. I always believed in myself and I was so confident with the things I did. If I put my mind into something I wanna do , I won’t stop until I accomplish that dream. Since a little girl I dream of being a model. I was that little girl that loved taking a billion photos and posing for the camera all the time. Taking photos just made forget everything, me posing in front of those cameras made me feel so carefree and cheerful but that didn’t last long. People always told me I was too ugly to be a model so getting that told to me everyday made me feel so mournful. My self esteem went from 100 to 0 so fast. My family didn’t know I was going through this. I hid my sadness with a smile everyday. I was failing my classes and I wasn’t talkative anymore, just kept quiet and stood to myself. I was dealing with this situation for a long time.

Around this time I graduated from 8th grade. My parents decided to moved to a different town so I could start fresh. I was terrified that I was gonna go through the same thing I went through in my other town. I enter the high school and I felt all eyes on me, I felt uncomfortable , I didn’t feel welcome. This school put me through hell, and it felt like the stuff I was going through would never stop. At this point I wanted to drop out and stay home forever. I just wanted to hide from everyone. When I was going through this I met a boy. He was tall like a tree , with curls like noodles , skin like mine and a nice smile that would light up the room. We started as friends and then we decided we should date. In the beginning of the relationship he was a sweetheart , made me feel so good about myself. Around the 7 month of dating he started being really nasty with his comments and they were very hurtful. He was just so mean to me and I really wasn’t liking the way he was treating me. I didn’t wanna leave him because I felt like he was the only one I have and I wouldn’t know what to do without him cause I’m so close to him and I tell him everything. Months pass and now we on 1 year and 7 months together. At this point I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was depressed , wasn’t eating , was always in and out the doctors. I got so sick. I was worth nothing. I would look at myself in the mirror and cry because I was so skinny and pale and ugly. Everyone in  my school was calling me skinny including the teachers. I use to hear rumors about my boyfriend at that time around school , I wasn’t able to hear those things about him because I couldn’t handle it. In my head I knew those rumors were real I just didn’t wanna believe it.  All I wanted was attention and I wanted to feel love. I wanted hear nice compliments to make me feel good. By me talking to this guy made me feel horrible. I regret talking to this guy. My mom told me I deserve better than this and I should know my worth. My mom just had a mother and daughter talk with me and she just gave me the courage to leave me cause he doesn’t deserve me.  I wanted to better myself, gain confidence again, get good grades at school, and get healthier. It was so hard for me to leave him because I was with him for a long time. 2 weeks later after that conversation with my mother he cheated on me. I was so hurt and I couldn’t believe he would do that to me. He gave me a good reason to break up with him. I didn’t want him no more. He proved his true colors to me. I left him and I blocked him on everything. I just wanted to leave my town so I could start brand new. 

My mother decided to move to a different place my senior year. She wanted me to start fresh again. I moved to Bethlehem Pennsylvania , 1 hour and 48 minutes from where I use to live. I was so scared to start my senior year in a new place but I knew it was gonna be good if I just make wise choices. I’m just happy after the rough time I went through I gain weight, I’m confident and I’m so happy with my life. I’m following my dreams to become a model. Nobody words could affect me anymore. Im stronger then ever. I decided to focus on my future instead of boys. My high school experience so far had taught me alot. Not everyone's your friend. Friends come and go. The relationship I was just in had taught me a lot too. I know my worth but I’m also young , I shouldn’t rush to be in a relationship . At a young age I went through a lot. Many people could relate to my story and many people wouldn’t understand how would it feel to be in that situation I was in. I finally came out that storm and now I’m in heaven. I'm surrounded with people who love’s me and who supports me with the choices I make in life. I would never let anyone treat me like garbage because I think every girl deserve to be treated as a queen. I would not let anyone try to talk down to me because I know I’m smart and beautiful. I’m going to keep chasing my dreams . This is my life and all I could say is to stay positive no matter what comes your way.

The author's comments:

Many girls like me don't know how to open up and keep everything in and I think my story many people could relate to this.

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