The Pain

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The phone rang abruptly suddenly and we left instantly. We had just driven away from there to my aunt’s house to see her. It wasn’t even a solid 10 minutes when we got there. I was about to sit down to eat and then we all rushed to the car and drove as a fast as a bullet, it took us 2 hours to drive but on lightning fast time you can reach there in about 45 minutes. The whole way back wasn’t pleasant. Each and everyone was sad. My dad especially, my dad being so devoted to god didn’t understand anything. That morning before we left I saw her and told her “N?nu Malli vast?nu”, I’ll be back soon. As soon as we got there the Village was packed. My Grandmother’s body was just there. Her eyes closed laying in there. I lost it. My body was weak and suddenly I forgot how to walk. My backpack came tumbling down. I sank into the ground and the tears just streamed. My dad and his brother were just there. They stood there unable to move. I was being watched by every man, women, and kid in the Village. I wanted to explode, I wanted to yell at each and everyone there just standing there and watching her. “GET OUT OF HERE”  instead I kept asking myself why is everyone just standing here. I need my space, our family just needs space. All this was just said out loud in perfect English and naturally, everyone wondered “?mi ceptund? ”what is he saying”  Naturally my dad said, “This is India nobody understands space”.

In the Hindu Religion, there are innumerable amounts that need to be done. I was the only grandson my grandmother ever had. Therefore my uncle, who was the oldest son and I had to do every single thing. My dad was the middle child of our family according to the Hindu religion the middle child cannot do rituals. First for the My uncle and I had to walk all the way to the place we were going to bury her. I had to carry 78 (her age) agarbatti (joss sticks) all the way to her grave. After that, we went home. I still couldn't believe it. She’s gone. All the food, love, everything she gave to me. I took for granted. I couldn’t sleep that night. I walked around the Village that night. I bought some food. I hadn’t ate since the afternoon. I walked around the town watching adults getting drunk. It all felt like a movie and a dream. I wanted this pain to go away. I went to a temple and I sat there for half an hour asking, questioning and crying. I hate crying. But those tears just followed I ask god “Enduku”, why. I didn’t realize that nothing last forever. Everything good must come to an end.

This is something that will always stick with me. Even when times are rough we all have to rise up and be strong. It’s okay to cry but you shouldn’t dwell on the past. Even though this only happened last summer. It’s something that’ll stick with me or a long time. The reason it will stick is because my grandmother’s love was always with me. She used to call the time and I used to say I was always doing homework. I never talked to her but I always knew that she wanted to talk to me. She was sick with Cancer and I couldn’t see her. I never understood the meaning of a Grandmother. A grandmother is the person you go for to talk about anything. The reason this also sticks with me is that you shouldn’t take things for granted. You should count your blessings.






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