Forever Changed

October 2, 2017

A waterfall running down my cheeks, rolling over every curve on my face until it splashed onto the floor. My face unanimated and ghostly until a little redness came from the tears. Sitting there on that urgent care bed I was in the worst state I had ever been and hopefully ever will be, because when you find out there is no going back from something you didn’t even want, it hurts.


Throughout my life there have been a lot of painful things that have changed me including losing a family member, breaking my arm twice, and knocking out my two front teeth, but with all of these comes the ability to recover and forget. When I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes my life was changed forever and I will never be able to forget about it. During my stay at the hospital there was a lot to learn so that a disaster did not happened when I returned to a regular schedule. This learning mainly consisted of spending three hours each day with a diabetic educator who first off wasn’t even diabetic, and secondly treated me like I was in kindergarten. This was the worst part of my stay at the hospital; Learning to give myself shots and prick my finger was all just little bits of physical pain and everyone gets shots, so it wasn’t that bad. But, when that diabetic educator came to my room I was usually wishing for that seizure.


Another part of this life changing experience was changing my habits. As I slowly learned more and more about this, what used to seem irrelevant disease. I realized life would never go back, and while the hospital workers were all trying to comfort my parents and I, I knew I was right. As soon as I got out of the hospital it became even more obvious. Always having to remember a bag with supplies, candy, glucagon, a blood glucose tester,and the list could go on, so even though I wanted to be the same person, I wasn’t. All the things I still wanted to do but couldn’t, because of this sudden change. A few months after I got released from the hospital and when I was starting to feel comfortable with my new trial I wanted to go to a waterpark with some friends. I went home and asked my parents, but the response made it clear I wasn’t going to be the same anymore, “No, I don’t want to put the burden of watching you on someone else's mom since I can’t go.” The fact that I was now a burden more than a help like I was before hurt.


As I look back on this experience even today, I wonder how different my life would have been if it had never happened. I know that my life would be completely different and I would probably be in a completely different situation right now, but while I know this I also am happy that this happened. My trial may not have been ideal but I am glad that I have had it because it made me a better person and who I am.






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