"I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore," I really meant it this time; two years of my life I’d spent with a toxic person. I thought it was love, but love isn’t controlling. Love isn’t jealous. Love isn’t angry. These are things I know now.
A few short weeks later, I met a boy. Actually, I’d known him for about a year, but we had not said more than 20 words to each other. He started working at McDonald’s where I work. For some reason, this excited me. I knew him, but I didn’t really know him. I was taken by surprise when so suddenly, he became a big part of my life. I was on my own journey of learning to love myself, finding out who I wanted to be. I didn’t see another guy being a part of that journey, but there he was...and here he remains.
It started out with teasing each other at work, talking here and there, I didn’t really think much of it at the time. One day, I was put into a position I wasn’t used to working and being the baby I am, I complained the whole time. I offered him $5 to switch spots with me, so he did. It didn’t matter though, because a minute later my manager sent me home anyway; he didn’t get that $5. Later that night I received a message over facebook, “So do I still get that $5?” I told him no, but from that moment on, we didn’t stop talking. I showed him my paintings, my newfound passion, and the conversation continued. Before I knew it, we were talking everyday.
The first time we hung out, was with a group of work friends. Before that, I wasn’t really sure what we were. I was content with just being friends, but I couldn't help but wonder, Where are things going? I really wasn’t sure, so I didn’t further question it. I just enjoyed the companionship. In a way, it was different than any other friendship I’ve ever had. After being in a toxic relationship for so long, I felt as if he was too good for me anyway. I settled for being friends, never expecting anything more.
After about a month of spending time with him, people started to question it.
“Are you guys dating?”
“When are you going to date?”
“Has he asked you out?”
I didn’t have answers for any of these questions, quite frankly I didn’t know.
I couldn’t deny, we had been spending a lot of time together. Then one night, he drove me home, walked me up to my door, things he’d done before. This night, he hugged me and stopped and looked at me. I knew we were about to kiss. It’s weird that you can just feel that before it happens, but I did. Now, I was really confused, but I had a new hope lurking in the back of my mind, at the bottom of my heart.
We started spending even more time together. It seemed like we were dating, but we weren’t. We went on dates and casually hung out for about a month. One night, we were lounging around watching movies, something that became a regular thing for us. It was getting close to when he’d had to leave. Before he got up, he stopped and looked at me, “So I’ve been wanting to ask you this for a while now, I’ve just never found the right time…so... will you be my girlfriend?” You can probably guess what my answer was.
The past 6 months of my life have been eye opening. Before him, I was depressed and closed minded. Now, I look at a world from a new perspective; I find light in things I’ve never noticed before. He challenges me to think more in depth. He’s helped me be more self confident. He’s made me realize it’s okay to be who I am, even if people don’t like me for it.