Entering Eleven

May 12, 2017
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It took me a while to realize that my Grade 10 year is over and I will be moving on to a new one this year. People say that High school is the most memorable part of life but to be honest it was wrong. I am 16 years old and I'm not even sure if I made something worth remembering for the rest of my life.

It's hard but you can't call a person a liar because they said something that went wrong for you. When I was younger, I told myself that when I enter High School I will make something good. That I will be better and will not become the teens of those years.

But guess what? Promises are made to be broken. I was wrong. Everything was inevitable. Getting bullied for no reason, getting scolded, stress and growing up. Sometimes I just wanted to cry because of everything.

You know what's the worst part of being a teenager? Not 'fitting in'.

Six Grade. I was bullied for being a loner. People would call me names such as 'freak' and 'weirdo'. My best friend turned my back at me and glare at me every time I enter the door. Instead of giving in I will put on a poker face and ignore them and give focus on my work instead.

Seventh Grade. I thought I gained a friend but that 'friend' is calling me names behind my back. The poker face I always put on? It became permanent now but behind that wall is just a weak person.

Eight Grade. Like the previous year I was placed in the first section. People see us as the 'cream of the crop' and one mistake means falling down. My bullies changed for a bit and they cling on to me now. Not because they like me but because they use me to do their work. The teachers do notice that I'm always alone and because of that I am always called after class.

Ninth Grade. I started acting more like an adult, like how my parents want me to act like. I would go to school acting proper and more like an adult and I went home to this: "Honey, act like yourself". I give up.

Tenth Grade. I entered a writing competition not  because I wanted to but because I was forced to. I received a lot of praise, from students from lower years and from teachers around me. I thought that its getting better now. I try to remove the 'poker face' once in a while to have more friends but again, I was wrong. The group of intelligent kids would tease me, in group projects they expect me to do all work. What's the point of group project if you will end up doing all work? That's not group project at all.

School is hard but also harder at home. There's no abuse involved like how cliché teen angst novels are always written. My parents would bicker at the phone, my brother and I grew distant to each other and I have no one to walk to most of the time.

I would act like an adult most of the time (Like how I acted in Ninth Grade) but I always cry at night. And then without me noticing, it's the end of school again.

This time will be the total end. Being at one school from kindergarten to tenth grade. I'm not sure if I wanted to end this or not. Marching to the ceremony with only one thing in mind: I will not be able to change the things that happened on the last five years. All expectations that I have before didn't happened and a part of me was sad. But then I'm entering Eleven and I know that I can make something memorable than high school itself.

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