Dear Teenage Girls,
Here is a list of steps that guarantee the perfect selfie to post on Instagram. Follow them carefully, and be sure to complete each and every step!
1. Though you’re wearing your favorite, most cozy sweatshirt, take it off and put on something a little more “Forever 21”. Not too elegant, just something casual and stylish, even if it doesn’t seem too comfortable to wear.
2. Put on all the makeup you own. Mascara, lipstick, concealer – smear it on your face so you’ll look pretty in the moment, even if it clogs your pores afterwards.
3. Do something with that messy ponytail you’re wearing. Curl it or straighten it, even though it takes out the moisture and richness of your hair. Wear it down, but use all sorts of barrettes and bobby pins if necessary to make it look...well, better.
4. Take the selfie. Make sure you’re in the best lighting possible. It cannot be too bright because your face will be paler than it already is, and it cannot be too dark because you won’t be seen at all. The background of your selfie should be a plain, simple wall or curtain which will offset the color of your shirt and makeup. When smiling, don’t stick your tongue out – that’s a huge “no”. In fact, don’t even smile – that’s so last year. Just emptily stare at the camera, it’s proven to get much more likes and comments.
5. Filters, filters, FILTERS! Use filters and so much more editing techniques to make your selfie ten times as gorgeous. Brighten it up a little, highlight your makeup, and… oh, be sure to edit out that freckle on your chin.
6. The hardest part of the selfie-posting process is figuring out a caption. It should NEVER portray how you feel. Instead, you could go classy and quote someone famous, but that’s kind of old. You could also go new and bold by using one or two emojis, like a smiley face or a flower. Nowadays, less is more! But just don’t use any of your own words and thoughts, you will seem way too desperate.
7. Now is the time – you’re shaking and feeling sick to your stomach, but don’t worry! Those symptoms are perfectly normal when posting a picture on Instagram. No matter how anxious you feel, it’ll all be worth it. Click that blue “share” button and start watching your Instagram feed, refreshing it every thirty seconds to see how many likes you get.