After the 3 best years of my life spent in New Zealand, I found my time up. I had to leave, but I didn't want to. I had had so many good times, and now, I wasn't sure if I had spent my time right. as the wave of helplessness and sadness washed over me, I had to find the strength to leave everything behind. could I do it?

I could feel the cold, soggy sand beneath my feet. The soft crash of the waves, the smell of the salty seaweed. This would be the last time I smell these smells. The last time I feel the sand and the sun on my skin. At least, the last time here. As I walk back to the hotel, ready to pack my things, I think to myself, “3 years ago I first stepped onto this beach.”
As I pack, I keep feeling like I had forgotten something, as I always do whenever I go somewhere. But this time, it felt different. Like I had left something or someone behind. It was the feeling that I was moving away from somewhere I had made so many friends, Had so many good times. I didn't want to leave, not here. I wanted to stay forever.

As I look Back on it today, I realize there was so much I could have done, yet nothing I could do. I could have spent more time with my friends, more time out in the sun, or even more time on the beach. But now all my time was up there. I had to leave. And at that point, I had wasted half of it. There was nothing left I could do.

As I get in the car, I think back on all the time I spent in New Zealand. My time with friends, on the beach, kayaking, the list went on. But one thing stood out. At first, when I came here, I couldn't wait to go home. But as I settled in, I realized that this place was more of a home to me than anywhere else ever was. After a long car ride, we finally got to the airport. The smells of luggage, coffee, and sadness drifted into my nostrils. It was as if you could feel all the different emotions. Old chapters were ending, new ones beginning, loved ones leaving, more coming back. The atmosphere radiated around like a cloud. Parts were happy or energetic like a rainbow or lightning strike, others were sad or glum, like rain.

I always disliked airports. They reminded me of flying, which I despise, but also, leaving places. I have forever hated goodbyes and leaving. Leaving New Zealand, where I had spent such a long, good time, was just terrible for me. It was almost as if I had spent forever there.

As I boarded the plane, the thought of leaving was almost gone as I was washed over with a sense of terror. Almost. I am terrified of flying. It was as if flying was a combination of many of my biggest fears working against me. Enclosed spaces, heights, lack of control, violent shaking or turbulence. It was so overpowering, I nearly forgot about the last three years, but it was the fact that I had to keep hoping about the future, but never let go of the good times in the past, that drove me on.
As I flew over the Pacific, I was so completely exhausted, but I knew my journey was both midway through, and a bigger one was just about to begin.

Right after we landed in America, we had to rush to get onto our next flight, it was at this moment that almost every single shred of sadness left me, I was overcome with the sense of going on a new, yet at the same time, old adventure. I had started fresh at many different places before, but the US was one of the only places where now, I didn’t start fresh. I had already been here, yes, there was a bit of new stuff, but most of it would be the same! I was a rollercoaster of emotions.

When we touched down in New Jersey, we went to the hotel right away. 24 hours of traveling took a lot out of you. I fell asleep almost instantly when my head hit the cold, soft, smooth pillow.
As I awoke the next morning, I awoke to snow. For the first time in 3 years, other than when I was at the Southern Alps, I would be able to touch snow. The light, cold, powder was everywhere. It was as if everything inside me was washed out by the snow. Everything except the memories of New Zealand. No longer sadness, but happy memories to look back on.