As my father passed my mother the potato salad, they both looked very concerned and –as always-they both had the disappointed looks on their faces. As I, almost, was about to finish my meal, they, suddenly, startled me by their random laugh. They looked at me with those compelling eyes, so I couldn’t resist and sat quietly and poured some more chicken curry on my plate, even when I was full. The atmosphere was tense, when my mother started talking, “I heard your test results the other day” she said to me and continuing “It was average, I thought for once maybe-in your life-you would score exceptional and brilliant beyond all, but I guess your sister really is no match for you, she scores it all grade A- beyond average- something your father and I love.” She says as she looked at me with those sad eyes. I didn’t say a thing; I had no explanation, as this is what always happens and now I’m just tired. Then soon afterwards, our noon meal was complete, they all walked their separate, so did I. After my mother’s speech nobody spoke-whoever were present in the dinner table-, it was pin drop silence.

I walked up to my room, devastated, it was always like this. My sister was an exemplary figure for me; I really envied her for what she had; both great intellects and love from my parents which she deserved. I envy her, I always thought to myself. My parents loved me, maybe, but they never ever showered me with their emotions of love for their child. I was, obviously, not the star child for them. Every time, whenever, my test results come out, they look at it with great eagerness but always end up with a sad look in their faces. I feel bad, very bad. They have never liked anything I do; they have never liked anything I like. It stings me every time they point out my flaws. Sometimes I even felt adopted, but I pray to god, please, spare me. I was useless, someone who never knew nothing; someone who can go nowhere near my sister or anyone else out there, they said to me not openly but sarcastically.

I was always the joke of a particular circle, family circle usually; as for my sister, she was the centre of attention. My mother never spared me, it start’s from my brain to my daily life. She and her friends all laugh with baffling expressions at my flaws. It hurt but I always go with flow and laugh it off alongside with them, but inside, inside I was always burning in anguish and screaming, but nobody listened. I was scared to do anything new, what if I failed? I thought to myself, I didn’t want to be made fun of. I always thought maybe god didn’t like me, just like my parents, but I can’t think that way, god was always there listening, I prayed, at least, someone please listen to me. My imperfections were my identity, what about my personality? Well, nobody ever paid attention to that.
There was a time when my mother actually kissed my cheeks, told me how much she loved me and bid me goodnight, before going to sleep in my room. She was so kind, which she still is, but nowadays-as I grew up- their attachment with me fades away slowly but painfully. When I was younger, my mother would always call me the sweetest names and bake me all kinds of things, she always said that I deserved a cookie after each achievement I made and good deeds I did. This always excited me and encouraged me to do good things for everyone. I was a happy child. There was a time when my father would always take me on long walks-in the park-holding my tiny hands so that I never got lost, as if I was precious. He would always tell me how much he would miss me when I get married, and that I would always be in his heart no matter what, I hope I still am. Those were, really, golden days. They both loved me and my sister very dearly, equally. Now, all that I had is lost? I don’t know. I grew up and now it looks like a mistake. Life is harder and favoritism is practised a lot in my household.

Everyday made me want to try hard, as hard as I can. My achievements made me happy, my trials made me stronger, but will they only love me for that? Will they always despise me for “average” but not love me for a try? Reality was harsh for me. I was antisocial, eventually, all I knew was, how to impress my parents? But this was a question for which I never had an answer. I never stopped trying and I never will, all I ever want is to see my parents smile at me with happiness and look at me proudly. I can never be my sister and follow her footstep’s, that’s something I realized. I have many flaws but I thought when god made us, god never made any mistake? I knew I was useless but that’s also a quality I can fix. I can’t be a prominent figure for society but I can be a daughter for my parents and a girl with many dreams and ambitions.

I forgot to enjoy my youth and my time but, did I ever impress them? Do they love me now? I don’t know, because I still am judged, If I can’t be myself who can I be?