In a time of stuff toys and Easy Bake ovens us kids got along splendidly. Back in Portland we were the only friends we had. This lead to a special bond no siblings would ever experience in their lifetime. Making the move to Vancouver challenged our relationship. My brother, Jake, and I stayed close given our one year age difference. Sadly our sister began middle school and drifted apart from my brother and I. Flash forward to my beginning year of middle school and Jake and I were stronger than ever. My sister remained her distance during her sophomore year of high school.
    I’ve just started middle school. Scared out of my mind by the talk of bullies. Previous to middle school and even a few weeks into the school year the word “suicide” was thrown around. As a happy child I didn’t comprehend “suicide”. Did a person simply just get bored and decide they want to stop living? Or was there an evil force driving the matter? Little did I know my own sister was battling these questions right beneath my nose.
    The walk home from the bus was full of giggled. When we reached our door, I stretched my arm out and curled my fingers around the knob. Twisting and pushing in a soft *psshh* of the escaping air receded from the door. As warm air splashed my face I was greeted by a familiar smell of dogs and Tide Laundry Detergent. The corners of my mouth began to sag when I hear the soft, muffled cries of my older sister, Amy.
    What’s going on? Amy never cries. Why is no one talking? Did she go to school? Are we in trouble?
    The cold air of the outside tingled my back.
    “Kate please close the door. Kids come sit with us”, my ma demanded softly. Her and my dad were sitting on opposite sides of Amy rubbing her back. Attempting to stop the sobbing. Yet nothing could calm her. I peered into my parents eyes, getting nothing other than a sense of fear and depression. Amy in between them cupped her hands over her face. Shoulders bouncing with every silent cry. My dad’s jaw slightly opened, only air drifted out before closing again. My ma relieved him by speaking up,
    “Guys there is no easy way to say this, but um, your sister tried to kill herself today.” My eyes began to water, chills took over my body, I felt as though my legs were going to give out. Amy’s hands slowly dropped from her face. Tears continued to run down her blotchy and red face. I had only one question in mind,
"How?" My voice shaking with lack of confidence.
My parents glanced around at one another. My dad speaks up,
"She took a handful of pills," his hands move to scratch the non existing beard on his face. "It's okay, the second we found out we took her to the hospital. She had her stomach pumped." I looked over at Amy, tears pooling in my eyes.
    Say something, anything please Amy.
    “I’m sorry”, Amy whispered. Looking down at the floor in absolute misery she continued, “ I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.”
    I fell to the chair beneath me. The pressure of Jake and I’s feeling were too much to bare. On top of that we had all eyes on us. I felt on display. My hands began to sweat. The joints in my body tightening with rage.
“Amy,” my ma cooed, “why don’t you give us a minute with Jake and Kate.” Amy nodded and carried herself out of the room, only leaving behind the emotions. My mind completely shut off, yet one thought stayed in mind,
Did Amy still love me?
I couldn’t wait for the answer. I took my feet and threw them to the floor. Using all the energy I could muster, I shot up.
“AMY!” I yelled tears cascading down my face, “do you still love me?”
“Of course I do Kathryn,” she stated hinting signs of a smile.
“But I’m not enough to keep you alive?”
“No, you’re not. Sorry,” turning to make her way up the stairs. *Thump thump thump*. Each step up the padded staircase felt like a knife in my heart.
Where do we go from here?

Now in a world of finals and homecomings, Amy’s and I relationship has never been stronger. Spending every moment together that we can, I’ve never forgotten the day I almost lost my sister.