I, just as many others, don't remember ‘meeting’ my Dad. Your dad is the man who raises you; the one who cares for you and loves you unconditionally. A person’s dad is just their dad, no question about it. However, a father is someone who helps in the creation of you, who is made up of the same DNA as you are, but is not necessarily your dad.

When I was ten, there wasn't much for me to worry about, except whether or not I could stay the night at my friend’s house two nights in a row! All of my free time was spent in girl scouts and on playdates with my girlfriends, but one playdate will always stand out to me more than the rest. I was sitting in Pizza Schmizza with all of my friends one afternoon, playing on our video games on our parents’ cell phones-naturally-when a phone call came through on my Mom’s phone. What’s my Moms is mine so I of course answered the phone expecting it to be someone I knew, like always. The woman on the phone clearly knew who I was but I couldn’t remember ever hearing her voice before and she wasn't really engaging in much of a conversation with me. I took my Mom her phone and she got up and left the restaurant to finish her phone call, leaving me without a video game to play!

Maybe a few days pass, or maybe a few weeks since the phone call and my parents decide we need to have a conversation. Nothing major, just a little talk. I didn't know there was any difference between a dad and a father until my parents explained to me that while my Dad is still and always will be my Dad, I technically have a father that helped in my creation. They go on to tell me that shortly after my Mom learned she was pregnant with me, things didn't end up working with her and my Biological Father so my Mom decided it was best he wasn't in my life at the time. That was a lot for my ten year old mind to process, because call it what you want, I still have two “dads” and what am I supposed to do about that? I was never and will never be angry with my Mom or my Dad for keeping my father a secret from me for so long because I understand my Mom was doing what was best for her and me at the time. After processing the information for a little while, we all decided maybe it would be okay for me to call my Father, his wife and his two younger children.

After talking on the phone to my Father frequently for close to a year, my parents and I took a trip to Indiana to meet him and his family. I wasn't nervous to meet this man but I had no idea what to expect and felt very out of place once we got to our meeting place. His family was welcoming and clearly lived a lot differently than I did in Oregon. I spent all of our vacation with them but never spent much time one on one with my Father. By the time our trip was over I had a pretty good bond and connection to everyone I met, except for my Father. Our relationship remains the same today as it was when we first met. I visit my Father, his new fiance and my ever growing baby brothers twice a year, to this day. We talk on the phone pretty regularly but I am closer to my two older stepsisters and baby nephews than I am to my Father. After all this time has passed, I feel I have a very good idea of the man my Father is and I am content with the relationship we have. I am also extremely grateful to my Mom and Dad for protecting me from the difficulty of this situation for as long as possible.

This experience has taught me countless life lessons and has brought me just as much disappointment as it has brought me happiness. Mainly I have learned that it is important to understand where people are at in their lives and that they are doing their best, but what may be working best for him isn't what is working best for me. I have learned to appreciate the people who take care of me and most importantly to love people for who they are instead of being angry with them because they can't be who you want them to be. A relationship of any kind takes a lot of time and effort from both people and I feel this experience has bettered me as a person in many different aspects of my life.