This is not so much a letter to you, to my former self, as a note.

This is me, wanting to say to you that things will get rough. But also to tell you to remember that in the midst of all these hard times, remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel; remember that this time of hardship and struggle will only last until you put an end to it. And always remember that you are not the only one out there who understands you and the goings on in your head. That people notice that you are down and that people have an amazing ability to help you, but it needs to start from within you, and to remember that nobody is cured overnight, even though you are desperate for this period in life to end.

I know that there are certain moments in life that you want to never end, and how there are moments and times that you wish you could forget. Moments that you regret, moments that make you sad. Moments that you want to never end, and moments that you fear you will forget, and though you know that those memories will cling to your head like a leech clings to skin, you fear of forgetfulness lingers.

There will also be days of love, days of happiness, days of joy, and even though these days of beauty are mixed in with the sadness, don’t let that get you down. Pick up your head and live for today, without even casting a glance at tomorrow. Pick your head up, because you know that you have something so unique about you that no one can take away from you. Not unless you give it up, not unless you let someone bully you, tease you, taunt you or call you a five-year-old. Because I know that when any of that happens, you will be there, showing those boys at the dance that you are better than them. Not just because you feel that you can preen your feathers, not just because you think that you can be better than them, but because you are better than them. You are better than them because you have the power to tell them to shove off, while not hurting their feelings; you are better than them because you have the ability to laugh it off and realize that it was simply their own problems surfacing in the form of their spitefulness.

And yes, you will also have days when you cry from pure exhaustion, when you want to just fall into bed and not wake up from a deep slumber until you wake up and everything is magically better. Yes, there will be days when you have no idea what AAS means in geometry. Yes, there will be days when you look at yourself in the mirror and want to be just about anyone but you; even if you could be the cat, sleeping and eating all day and not being able to feel the same way you can, or your great-grandmother, at 99, it would be an escape. But there will also be days when you look at yourself in the mirror and say, yes. This is what I want to be. This is who I am.