Turning twelve was a very big deal for me. It was my first year at middle school and I felt like I was finally growing up. I remember my birthday party, and all the days following, as if it was yesterday. My birthday party was on the 17 of February and all of my friends and I went to a local pizza place for dinner. Meanwhile, my mom went to Freeport, Illinois where my grandmother lived. She had very recently been diagnosed with a cancer. I wanted my party to be on a Friday so my mom went that day and the rest of my family and I planned to meet there the next day. I didn’t think much about it. It was just another trip to make sure that “Momo” was okay.

Saturday morning, my dad, sisters, and I got in the car and started the drive to Freeport but not before my older sister saw a post my older cousin made on Facebook. “Rest in peace Momo. You will always be in my heart, it said. “Dad,” Shannon asked. “Why did Caity post this?”

My dad paused, although neither of us seemed to notice. “Caity’s wrong. Don’t worry nothing happened.” That’s a weird mistake to make, I thought. Maybe something did happen.

Piling into the car, we drove to Freeport while I thought about what we would face once we arrived.

As we walked through the metal screen door into the house it was strangely quiet. I didn’t see Momo, my mom, or my aunt anywhere until we found two of the three in the back room. My mom was sitting in the brown chair that used to be my grandfathers before he died in 2004. My aunt sat to the side of her. My mom seemed upset and I immediately knew what was going to come out of her mouth before she even opened it. “I’m so sorry but,” and then it came. “...Momo died in her sleep last night. I’m so sorry you didn’t get to see her,” she said as tears filled her eyes. I remember bursting into tears and wondering for the first time, If I didn’t have to have my birthday party yesterday, maybe I would’ve seen her one more time. Why did I have to do that?

I still always think about that day and if maybe I had gone with my mom that Friday, I would’ve seen my grandmother one more time before she was gone for good. We never found out if she had gotten a gift for me or a card, but my mom told me that she tried so hard to get something even though everyone told her I was fine without one. I was fine without one because the only gift I wanted by the time my real birthday on February 23 came, was to see my grandmother one more time and tell her that I love her.

I guess it’s true that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. I try not to take anything for granted anymore because it could slip out of my fingers before I get a chance to stop it. After Momo died, I started to think about the friends I have. If I make a mistake, could I lose them for good? Maybe that’s why I can be so protective. I’m scared of losing the things I love, but I learned to be grateful for everything I have and live in the moment because once that moments gone, it’s gone for good.