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Cracks in the Concrete
I think life works in really funny ways. You think your whole life is set as soon as you finish middle school, or at least that's what I thought. I knew my life was perfect the way it was. I had the perfect group of friends and I was happy. I didn't want anything to change, I had my friends set for life. But honestly looking back I can't even imagine what would've happen, or what kind of person I would be, if I hadn't gone through the loss I went through. Now, when I say loss, I don't mean tragic death or death at all. Maybe metaphorical death, a metaphorical death of a friendship. I know that it sounds stupid or petty but it affected me in ways I didn't know it would. It made realize what a true friend was, and what the job of a true friend consisted of. I found the people that I know would never hurt me and and the people that would stay by my side through thick and thin. While reading this, it might seem like these events had little impact on my life, but they were actually colossal.
It started with two of us. We were friends in second grade, we didn't really like each other but we were in the same class and sat next to each other. Haley and I did some things together but not a lot. A few years later in fourth grade we became friends with a girl named Katy who had moved from Chalmette after hurricane Katrina. That same year Haley's childhood best friend switched from Kehoe France school to St. Peter elementary school. Her name was Sawyer and she didn't have any friends besides Haley, so Katy and I became friends with her. We all started to hang out and we did most things together. As the years went by the four of us grew a lot closer. We always went to each other's birthday party's and tried to hang out as much as possible. By seventh grade we were the closest four people could be.
We went on a trip in seventh grade to Washington D.C. and all four of us roomed together, we were all in the same group for touring as well. The summer of eighth grade we went on a vacation together to the beach. We grew even closer, and talked about everything there was to talk about. We told each other all of our secrets. I can remember eating greasy bread balls from a local pizzeria that was near the beach. I remember seeing the stars come out as we sat on the deck of the beach house and stuffed our sunburned faces. We stayed out there in our damp bathing suits wrapped up in towels with our hair dripping salty sea water at the ends, until we were forced to come in. Then High school happened, and that's when our perfect little group, broke.
Eighth grade year went by in a flash, we were still glued to each other's hips. However, that year complications started to rise. Sawyer wanted to sit with the popular girls, and Katy ended up wanting the same thing. We had been with a large group of girls that the four of us decided we didn't want to stay with. I guess while trying to separate ourselves from the large group we ended up creating cracks in our concrete friendship.
We still did most things together, like birthday parties and tired to have sleepovers as much as possible. Sawyer had made friends with one of the popular girls who wasn't very nice and who was known as your basic "mean girl". She grew closer to the popular girl, Emery, and started to do more and mores things with the popular crowd. Emery ended up hurting Sawyer, by spreading a rumor about her because Sawyer was dating a boy Emery liked. It's funny, because I remember helping her through it and being one of the shoulders she cried on.
I know holding grudges against someone is wrong, but when they tell everyone totally false things about you shouldn't you rid yourself of the bad and surround yourself with the good? Sawyer didn't think like that. She eventually went back to being best friends with Emery. I was confused tremendously by her decision, but I didn't tell her anything because I didn't want her to think she couldn't have more friends than just the three of us.
I don't really remember the summer of ninth grade year,but I know that we didn't hang out nearly as much as best friends should have. I know that Haley and Sawyer hung out together over the summer but that was excepted because they are family friends and do most things together. I remember sitting in my room when I received the letter Sawyer had written me, it was on tie dyed stationary and folded exactly three times, with her immaculate handwriting etched in black ink.
Sawyer used to go to a camp in Texas every year and she absolutely hated it. She used to cry and get mad at her mom for making her go. She had to go to the camp for the whole month of July, which caused her to miss most of her summer and her friends.
I always used to write to her because she always told me how much she wished me, Katy, and Haley were at the camp. I opened the letter she had sent to me and it consisted of the norm: camp was good, she was riding horses(one of her favorite pastimes), and she enjoyed most of the people in her cabin. However at the end of this letter I remember the giant plunge my heart took. As I scanned my eyes over the letter I flipped it over to the back where Sawyer had continued the writing. She wrote I think that Haley wants to start hanging out with Addie, Isabella and all of them.
I sat there,as cliche as it sounds, re-reading that line she had chosen to end her last letter to me with. I couldn't possibly imagine our group of practically sisters, splitting up. I highly doubted the chance that Haley would leave, because we wouldn't leave each other, we needed each other, or at least that's what I thought.
Ninth grade came and the first week of school was normal because Haley, Katy, Sawyer, and I were sitting together during the morning, break, and lunch, just as I had predicted we would.
Soon that started to waver and the presence of two of my best friends grew scarce until it was just me, because Haley ventured off to hang out with Addie and Isabella. I didn't have a group and I floated around from group to group, sitting with whoever I felt like, but I always felt awkward and out of place. After i grew tired of floating around I started to sit with Hayley, Isabella, Addie, and all of their friends.
I was content but I noticed that Katy and Sawyer remained with the popular girls. They seemed as if they weren't concerned with the fact that the two of us were no longer accompanying them at lunch. I pushed the thought of us no longer sitting together in the back of my mind constantly and just decided to do things with Hayley and her new friends because they didn't really know me, where as the popular girls knew me from middle school and didn't like me at all.
The four of us started to drift apart and we just let it happen, it was nobody's fault but our own. We let our friendship drift off into the distance and didn't do much to try and save it. I remember for my fifteenth birthday in November, I decided to try and mend what was left of our almost non existent friendship. The four of us spent the night at my house and did nothing but watch scary movies and talk.
It wasn't like it used to be where things just came out and we could tell each other everything. Yeah, it was similar but I couldn't help but feel like I was trapped in a room with new people instead of my best friends. It was almost like I didn't know these girls that I had spent a majority of my life with.
After that sleepover, we never had another one that all four of us were together for. I can't remember the last time I spent the night with Sawyer or Katy. It's quite sad how it ended, because even though there was no time, there was no certain place, or certain action done to end the eternal friendship, or what I thought was eternal, it still felt like I could pin point every single crack and chip that continued to force itself at the concrete sister-like bond we developed.
Those cracks and those chips came out victorious, and all that was left of the quiet death of friendship was two girls, Haley and I, that were hurt and wounded. We fought as hard as we could to stop the four of us from splitting and going our separate ways and we failed.
This year, in tenth grade, we still don't talk everyday, we don't socialize in the same crowd. We don't tell each other "hey" every time we pass on our way to class.
Although, while the sadness of losing two of the closest people in my life looms above my head constantly, I realized that without that let down, without the pain, I would never have found my two best friends in the whole world.
Haley and I hung out with Isabella and Addie for a little while, but soon enough we realized we weren't really treated the way we wanted our friends to treat us, so we broke free and were on our own. We started to do things with just the two of us for a majority of freshman year.
I had a lot of my classes with a girl named Milly, we started to talk to each other a lot and teachers started to, and still do, mistake us for each other. Not because we look alike, but because we have the same personality, and chances are wherever I am, she is, and vice versa. Milly had classes with Hayley, and I and we just clicked. We started to do more things with Milly. Hayley and I found the person to transform our duo to a trio.
I know that only a year of talking to someone really isn't the typical amount of time to classify someone as your best friend, but I know that Milly will always have my back. She actually cares about me and I know that I can confide in her for anything.
Hayley and I have grown stronger. We are closer than the two of us ever thought we would be. Without Hayley, I don't know what my life would be like. Teachers know that we go everywhere together and they always ask where our "other half" or "partner" is.
Now I have to ask them which one they mean, Milly or Hayley? But to be honest I don't mind at all, I know that I have found the two girls that will be with me for the rest of my life. These girls are the ones I want to go to college with, I want to stay in touch with them after college, I want my children to know these girls because they are two of the most important people in my entire life.
I know life tends to be unpredictable, but the future,while nearly impossible to know what the result will be, will hold my friendship with Hayley and Milly in it. We may have our fights,while doubtful it's still possible,we may not speak for long periods of time, but trust me when I say we won't last long without talking to each other.
No matter what the tidal wave, we call life, throws at me, I know that I will be able to handle anything as long as I have Milly and Hayley to ride the wave with me.