I am about to tell you a story. This is not the typical “I love him so much” story. I will be sixteen in two days. I know I’m young but I’ve been working at this love for four whole years. I worked hard to be able to say I love him and mean it. I had to learn a lot before I know what I know now. You may think this is just a story about two stupid teenagers, but that’s just how it starts out. You have to know the whole story; So here it is.


I guess I would say It started on January 13, 1996. On this day a beautiful baby was born into the world, but this baby would spend many of the next years of his life, in suffering. Being beat, raped, molested, and hurt. He used to say that when he was little his father would get him drunk. Once he told me he used to get beat with a leather belt. A little boy dealt with all that for the first five or six years of his life. But the part that brings me to my knees, the part that rips my soul out and makes me want to hold him is that he thought it was normal. For 365 days a year, times 6... How can a person handle all that? How could a mother let that happen to her baby? But something makes me want to believe that his mother was a very good person. He still misses her, and it hurts him to think about how she left him. one day when he’s 19 they will meet again. they will hug, they will cry. Maybe if I’m lucky he’ll tell me about it. tell me what she’s like. If she’s pretty, if she’s kind. Maybe someday i will meet her. I would love that.

But if we continue with our story, I believe he started living with Melvina around the sixth grade, and he told me that all of a sudden he started to understand how life works. At this time, I was in the fifth grade. It would be a year yet before I would meet him, but I did go to school with someone that was once special to him.

Spencer lost his virginity to a girl, who he loved very much. I believe that she too loved him once. But she hurt him. If we fast forward a little bit to after me and Spencer broke up, I’m pretty sure that a small part of the reason he left me was for her. Even after he called her a s*** and a w**** I didn’t understand. But it wasn’t too long later that he told me that when he looks at her, he wanted to love her and have a life with her. Like anyone else, he wanted the American dream.

Now this girl has gone somewhere, I don’t even know of. She used to be so pretty, and she still is. But then she started drinking. Her little brother even tried to get Spencer to talk to her, and she spit in his face. If he can’t fix her no one can. Let me tell you something that I live by when handling my relationship with Spencer. When someone has been hurt, when they’ve been broken, it’s your job to show them that Love exists. Many girls went through him and they all failed to do this. A majority of the girls who go to his school are fake w****s. All of the girls there have done nothing but hurt him.

Now we’re going back to the beginning of September in 2009. The first day of school I saw this in particular boy who I thought was ‘Cute’. I didn’t really think anything of it. he was just a boy who went to my school.

But I apparently had to grow tits in order to catch his eye, because even though I didn't know it, me and Spencer spent a whole school year being each other’s crush. But Everyday I wonder whether it would be different if either of us knew about us liking each other. But I think that if me and Spencer would have dated that year, we would have broke up and I would be another girl that left him. I like the idea that we were clueless each other’s crush for a whole year. It’s cute. But can’t you see it? that’s fate. Fate decided it wasn’t time yet; Fate decided that this relationship needed time, or it wouldn’t last.

Now i’ll be selfish and tell you about my seventh grade year. That was the year that my life was falling apart at home. See this story starts out when I was in the First grade. Me and my mother had moved into a little store apartment in Barnum. If you’ve ever been to Barnum Minnesota, We lived in that apartment with the city map painted on the side of the building.

Well I had this bus driver named Dennis. Me and Dennis quickly became best friends. It just started with my mom making him coffee. One day on the bus ride home I said something that would change my life forever. I told Dennis that he should buy my mom chocolates and flowers. well he did more that that.

On December 8th, 2008, my mom and Dennis were married. But after a couple of years, I started realizing a change in my mom. She wasn’t herself any more. I made this realization the same year me and Spencer liked each other.

So anyway, when I was little, my mom used to hang around a lot of pot smokers. That was ok, she didn’t really do it any more because of me, but I think those were some really good years to live. Our house was always clean and had sunshine. there was always music playing and we always had people over hanging out at our house. Nice people, with kids like me. Back then my mom was all into candles, and Incense and living life on the edge. She used to dye her hair, and have cool piercing, but she still remained the best mom in the world. she loved me with all her heart and nothing could ever change that.

So when I was in the seventh grade, we lived in a cold little cottage house. It had a bad feeling to it. I started to realize that my mom had become a nobody. Nothing defined her any more. She never had friends, she never saw her family any more. She lived in a recliner, and gained weight. This is because she was married to him. Dennis was so controlling. Only he got heat, only he could watch tv. If you touched his remote, his heater, his food, his chair, or anything else of his, your fingers would be busted. School got so stressful. I remember there were days where I went to the counsellor’s office to cry and tell her that I didn’t want to go home. I would go home, and when Dennis got there all he did was scream and yell at all of us.

I used to cry and throw tantrums because I was depressed too. I tried telling mom that she lost herself but she didn't see it. She let Dennis treat me like a slave, waiting around on him all the time.

After the school year was over, things got to an all time low. We lived with no running water or electricity. We lived our days in a car and our nights in the dark. our house looked so horrible. There was a hole in the ceiling, the stench was morbid. there was insulation dripping onto our kitchen. we had mice poop in the silverware drawers.

One day my dad came to get me for a visitation, and he was devastated. So he took me home and I never went back.

This is where our story starts to pick up. One day I was just hanging out on facebook. I looked at the long list of people online. Spencer Pringle had a little green dot by his name and that was my start. Again, I said something that would change my life forever. The conversation started with Hey:) to me realizing that this really cute guy and I were a lot alike. We talked about music, and politics, and racism. I got his number and for a whole year, we just got to know each other really well. Eventually we found out about liking each other in the seventh grade, which erked both of us.

But then June came along again. The date was June 10th 2012. I sat under a pavilion, waiting for him to meet me there. I was so nervous. But I wasn’t sure why. I talked to this person everyday for a whole year. I remember my heart racing. And then... I turned around and there he was, walking across the street towards me. I saw him and my heart stopped, and my mind said ‘There he is’. So then we were sitting on the table and his arm was around me. It wasn’t even awkward. But then I experienced my first kiss. It was horrible. I had no idea what I was doing. But then he said “just do what I do” and all of a sudden I was a pro. He was a pro too though.

So the first time I officially met him, there was a story. Not just that one; another one too. I remember exactly what he was wearing when I met him. He wore white basketball shorts, a blue shirt and Bob Marley flip flops.

So anyways we went inside to Pinehurst park where my sister was having her 8th birthday party. I could say that on a sunny day Like June 10th, 2012, it was a bad day for Spencer to go swimming. The first time I met him, was the first time he met my family, and the first time he met my family, my family’s eyes met Spencer’s long schlong through his shorts. My aunt was even flirting with him. Later my mom told me that Spencer is quote “Chunky”.

After the birthday party, Spencer came over with his acoustic guitar. That night, he played ‘Fade to Black’ Just for me. It was so beautiful; I was so overjoyed with how beautiful it sounded. Then my mom asked him to play ‘Knockin on Heavens Door’. He did, and her face lit up. I could see my mom again; maybe just a glimpse but she was there. She was mesmerized by Spencer’s talent with a guitar, just as I was.

When he was done, my mother explained to me that when her and my dad where young, he used to play that song for her all the time. See this is cute to me, because she said my dad used to play that for her and now Spencer is not only replaying the same memory that my mom had, but he’s making the same one with me; Playing ‘Fade to black’ for me, which every time I saw him that summer, he would play that song for me.

Well that same night, me and Spencer went for a little walk. We held hands, but we found this place. This place is now one of the most important places in my life. We found what I call ‘Our place at the top of the church steps’.

So if you walk along my street, you’ll come to a long stairway of concrete steps, in the back of a church. At the top there’s a little place beneath the back light, under the trees, but also under the stars. That night me and him sat there, with the fire flies and we made out for the first time.

After he went home, I walked back to the house and I found A yellow guitar pick. I held onto that pick with my life. Today it still sits taped to my wall. I will never get rid of it. It’s something that is so important to me. That pick is the pick he used to play me my song.

So after being Spencer’s girlfriend for a while, me and mom took a trip to Park Point Beach on Lake Superior, and she gave me the talk; not about sex, I had already had tons of those with her. She talked to me about Spencer, about love. I learned a little bit. Afterwards I went to the main beach by myself, and I didn't really swim, but The water was so cold and I was the only one in the water. The waves weren’t all that strong, but strong enough to push me a little bit. I stood there in the waist deep water, and I thought about Spencer. I had wished he was there with me experiencing this amazing beauty of the waters. I think that’s when I realized that I really loved this boy. Maybe I didn’t know what love meant, couldn’t define love then, but I did love him. I must have just stood in the water for an hour before I decided I was too cold.

That was the day my mom found out me and Spencer weren’t “just friends’. She made me feel pretty bad, but now when I look back on it I don’t really know why I thought I was going to get into so much trouble.

So after I decided I loved him, I gave him something I had been saving. When I was a little girl, I found this mood ring. I put it on a chain, and I told myself I would give it to the first person I ever loved. Of course, Spencer got it.

So anyway, that summer turned out to be the most important summer of my life. That summer, I had my first boyfriend, my first kiss, the first time I cuddled, the first time, I laid under the stars and cuddled and that night Spencer told me something. I will never forget it.

See me and Spencer started to sneak out and go to ‘our place’. I would always bring blankets and pillows, and we used to just cuddle under the stars. One night we snuck out in the middle of the night and went to ‘our place’. That night I laid in his arms, with my head in his chest. I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat match mine. When I opened my eyes he said something that I will never forget. He said to me “I've been trying to find love for so long; I've been trying to find the perfect girl, and I finally found you. You're not like the rest. I love you Jasmine" I told him I loved him too. I really did love him, but at the time I didn’t love him like I love him now. Back then it was puppy love. I loved him, just not like I do now.

At the end of the summer, I had to go home, and of course, Spencer and I broke up. I was strong about it. I didn’t let it bother me, but deep down, I was really hurt. I never got over him. We were still friends, but I never stopped wanting him back.

My Freshman year, I so desperately wanted what I had with Spencer that I dated a lot of guys. But it got to the point where I was the girl who always had a thing with a senior; I was the girl who was always with someone else’s boyfriend. Four guys cheated on their girl friends, just to do something with me. I started to become damaged goods. Eventually I just quit. I couldn’t take it any more. I couldn’t give myself away to seek out something that I lost. Freshman year was hard. My grades started to fall, I got drunk occasionally, I would text Spencer and spill out my feelings. I started cutting that year. I kept getting in trouble and I was always grounded. Everything snowballed and one day I sat in the bathroom stall crying and thinking of all the reasons why I made the decision to down 20 Tylenol. I broke so hard. Soon I was being shipped to the hospital. I was so scared. I can hardly remember any of it, but I remember all of a sudden people were holding me down trying to put needles in my skin. I screamed and pulled, and all I wanted was my parents to be there, holding my hand.

That week I spent my time at Fairview in unit 7a. The first four days I just sat by the window looking out at the city thinking about my life. but then I started to meet people, we started sharing our stories, and our pain. By the end of the week all of us kids were like family. I felt like I could stay in that hospital forever.

Today is August 19th, 2013. It’s 7:40 A.M. and I started writing at 3 this morning. the whole time I have been writing this I’ve been listening to a playlist named ‘Spencer’. Now this is the part where I spill out every thought, and feeling I have ever had about Spencer. This is the most important part of the story. This is the part that made me write this. This is the part where I will start crying because I love him so much. Ok.

Because of all the stuff that happened freshman year, my dad sent me up to my mother’s again. He decided he Can’t trust me at the house while he’s at work. Well of course, when I was up there, Spencer came back into my life. But this time, he changes just as much as I did. Everything changed. This time everything was different.

Mom is getting a divorce with Dennis. She is losing weight, and is regaining her old personality again. She has many friends that are always hanging out at her house. She is so much more happy, and this makes me cry because for eight years I had to watch her turn into someone I didn’t even know any more. I thought she would never come back, but Jesus answered my prayers and she’s back. Her house is clean again, too.

Like I said, me and Spencer changed together. Freshman year made me very mature. I learned a lot that year. Spencer wasn’t such a smart ass any more. He has a new puppy named May who is his shadow.

May, lets talk about May. May is a golden doodle. She loves Spencer more than any woman ever has. Once he was trying to take a s***, and she scratched and whined at the door for him. Eventually she just pushed her way in. Yes, May loves Spencer very much.

Ok back to Spencer. Spencer used to hate how Dennis treated all of us girls. So he was pretty happy for my mom and me. He started coming around more often. It got to the point where, when I’m with Spencer, I don’t need to hold his hand, we don’t make out. We sleep in the same bed, but we don’t cuddle. We never make out or go to our place any more. But when I’m with Spencer, I’m really happy. If I could spend the rest of my life just sitting next to him, I would be ok with that.

But that’s not what this is about. This is about Spencer too. See, this summer, I told Spencer I loved him, and this time I meant it. I really meant it. But he told me something that made me want to break down. He said “Jasmine, I have problems with love. Whenever people get close to me, I see my mom and liberty leaving me. It makes me upset with myself, I start to push people away.”

Spencer has been hurt and broken so much that he is scared to fall in love with anyone. Remember what I said? When someone has been hurt, when they’ve been broken, it’s your job to show them that Love exists. It breaks my heart that he has to feel that way. I love him so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want my first baby to be his. I want to hold him in my arms and tell him it’s going to be ok; Tell him that I’m here, That I love him, and nothing can ever change that. I cant imagine being as happy with anyone else, even the cutest and hottest boys. it would never be the same. He is the only one I want, He is all I want; All I need. So I promised that I would show him that Love can last. You know that song “A Thousand Years” By Christina Perry? Every word she says is how I feel about him.


Love is nothing special. When I see him, I still have the ability to breath; when I kiss him, I don't get all dizzy. His skin doesn't give me the chills, his voice doesn't make me shiver. he doesn't make me feel high. I just love him. it's as simple as that.

So as of now, Me and Spencer are very good friends. but one day, I will either do a mash-up of “Fade To Black” And ‘A Thousand Years”, Or I’ll sing him both. But when I do, I’ll be using that little yellow pick. I’ll get down on one knee, propose to him and tell him everything. I believe that fate brought us together, and maybe it still isn’t our time to be together, but one day it will be. Everyday I ask Jesus if I can happily marry him someday. You know what else is fate? As I wrote this and the last paragraph, the ‘Spencer’ playlist started to play “A Thousand Years”. I know I’m young, I’m immature. I know that, it’s almost impossible to find your soulmate so early, but maybe I did. There is no such thing as not being old enough to know what love is. I found it, didn’t I? Showing Spencer that I can love him will take time, it will be hard, but he is worth it. He is priceless. I love him, I want him to feel love, and if no one is going to do that than I will. No one can stop me. He is the reason I believe in true love. I want to be his reason too. And that’s my story.