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It's Over

By , St. George, UT
Two words have the possibility to rock you to your core. For me those two words were “it’s over.” Two simple words, it’s over. Those two words sent me spinning, they knocked me completely off my feet. I was not expecting to hear those words that day when I went to visit my boyfriend. I was not expecting him to just brush me aside the way he did. I was expecting another talk about how we needed to slow down because we were moving extremely too fast and we could be ending when he leaves for the Air Force. I walked into his room and change was palpable, clinging to the air like the humidity outside. I looked into his eyes and saw a pain that wasn’t there when I saw him last. I brushed these aside and cracked a joke about one of our co workers, when he didn’t laugh I sank onto the bed heavy with the realization that was sinking in.

“You wanted to talk to me?” I asked, not attempting to hide the pain in my voice.

“You go first,” he said. “What did you have to say?”

“Oh, I just heard from some people at work that you were hitting on Kaylie,” I told him sucking in a breath. “I just want you to know I’m not okay with that. I love you and it hurts me to see you act like that with other girls.”

“Okay,” he said and went back to his computer. The silence settled in and clung all around.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” I asked him again.

“Here’s the thing,” he said pausing what he was doing to turn and look at me, “I’ve been thinking about this and I think I want to cut my ties now. What we have is great and I really enjoy it and we both know we weren’t expecting it to go as far as they have.”

“But they have gotten as far as they have Austin,” I said going over to scratch his head. “and I don’t regret anything. I keep on expecting to feel guilty that I had sex with you but I don’t. I don’t regret that we did. I think we were meant to be together. We have a connection, I can be open and honest with you. I can lower my guard around you.”

“I know,” he said and turned back to his computer. “I just think we should stop now.”

“So like no more sex?” I asked him even though I knew where this was going. “I can do that, we can go back to kissing only.”

“You know that won’t work Becca,” he said shaking his head and looking me in the eye. “when one of us gets in the mood there’s no stopping it.”

“So what are you saying?” I asked him, “It’s over isn’t it?”

“No, no I’m not saying that,” he dismissed me. “I still want what we have, like I still want to talk and all.”

“But the relationship is over.” I say trying to keep the tears at bay.

“Yes,” he said.

“Why don’t we wait to see how things are when you get back from vacation?” I asked him desperately grasping at straws. I did not want to let him go.

“I know what I want,” was all he said.

I sat there drowning in the silence trying not to cry. Choking back the tears in front of the one person I thought I could trust. The one person who I never put any walls up for. The one boy who I let steal my virginity. I sat there feeling so stupid. Deep down I knew this would happen, everyone had warned me it would. Finally I couldn’t take the silence anymore and I stood up.

“I’m going to be late for work,” I said. “Walk me out?”
“Okay.” He said and walked me out. We didn’t even hug goodbye. Just like that my perfect relationship, my first love and my first time was gone. I was left alone crying in my car all the way home.



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