There are a lot of things people thought they saw in me. They thought I was smart, outgoing, creative, trustworthy, a role model and a leader. I don't object to some of those things except there are things that would've been added to that list. Depressed, compulsive liar, self-absorbed, and self destructive but those were only the things I saw in myself. I didn't realize somebody else was watching or even cared until the first time I went to Cross Culture at iWorshipCenter.
It was on a Wednesday in October, the sun just started to set and the air had a lite chill. I stared up at the gigantic building known as one of the best Christian centers in Springfield and thought it's just like any other church. And in a way I was right.
"Ya ready kiddo?" I didn't realize that the car actually came to a stop and Abby already had one foot out the door.
"Yep, I'm good." I gave her a reassuring smile and stepped out of the door but really at the time I was regretting even leaving the house. See around that time it literally felt like I was drowning like I couldn't breathe. I felt so heavy and so alone. All I wanted was a little help.
When I first walked in the doors I was amazed at what i saw there were kids throwing footballs, kids skateboarding, air hockey, and other games. It was totally different than any other bible study I went to before. Then out of no where a black hulk Mini started walking towards Abbi and I. I admit at first I was scared but then a smile spread a crossed his face so I relaxed a little bit. "Hi, I'm Myles and you must be Mariah."
"How did you know my name?" I request a little aggravated i didn't get to introduce myself.
"Well Abby always talk about this black girl at her studio named mariah, plus she said she was bringing a dancer." He said with a knowing loOK "and from the loOK of your reaction I'm guessing you're Mariah."
I replied with a polite nod, then all of a sudden the room got dark and music started playing and people started singing. It was an up beat song the teens were clapping and singing along.
"The deep cries out, the deep cries out to you
The deep cries out, the deep cries out to you
We cry out to, we cry to you Jesus."
Out of no where I felt a flood of emotions hit me. They had the buoyancy of a dodge ball but the impact of a moving car. I was uncomfortable, antsy,agitated and confused. Myles walked past me and got on the stage. He grabbed the mic with determination and said " I want every person in this room to lift there hands in the air." I slowly felt my arms rising in the air " now close your eyes," my eye lids shut automatically " If you want god to change whats going on in your life, maybe it's depression, maybe its pornography, maybe it's drug addiction whatever the case may be you can turn it around right now by singing this song."
"I give myself away,
so you can use me."
I never felt so overwhelmed in my life but some how I found myself singing with the rest of the youth ministry. Slowly I felt myself surrendering I didn't want to be with the worlds views I wanted to be with god. I felt someones hand touch my shoulder my first instinct was to hit the hand that touched me. But something told me No its OK. So I started to surrender again. Then Myles voice spOKe out over my shoulder.
He started praying for me. My depression, my lying everything started fading in that moment I felt free, I felt loved, I felt like I was in the presence of God. I haven't felt that way since I first got baptist.

"Take me to the water
Take me to the water
Take me to the water
To be baptized."
I was in the pool full of cold water at pleasant groove missionary baptist church. I was so small that pastor fields had to hold me up in the water otherwise my whole body would be under. I was seven years old. I told my mom and my pastor that I was ready to show that I love the son and my savior Jesus Christ. And there I was going before the church to be baptist.
"Good evening church,"
"Good evening Pastor"
"We are here on this day, to celebrate this young lady giving her life to god." He smiled down at me as if he was a proud father.
" Mariah Leatrice BroOKs are you ready to give your life to God?"
"Yes!" I used my big girl voice
"And do you believe that Jesus Christ is your savior and he died on the cross for your sins?
"Yes!"
"Then I shall baptize you in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the Holy Ghost."
I crossed my arms, he plugged my nose and I leaned backwards as pastor dipped me in the water.

I felt love all around me even when I got home that night. I felt loved those past few days I felt loved. But over the years I lost my connection with Christ but, Christ never left me. And there I was back in his presences given myself to him once again.
"My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself
I give myself
To you"