Internal War

April 3, 2013
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Today I woke up with the thought of a new and improved day. I don’t know what my future holds for me. I can see clear today, but will I tomorrow? I can feel deep inside that things have changed. What? I do not know. The new and the old me are now having a full out war. The new me is ready to move in but the old me isn’t ready to move out; I am ready. All of my life I’ve been ready constantly fighting with myself. In order for the new me to win I will have to move, move, fly away to a faraway place. To a place I do not know, but has been a part of me my whole life. I will have to leave the life that the old me has forever known; my family and friends, my school and people that have been a part of the old me. But like the old me I will have to leave everything behind and continue with my new life. No love no nothing just me and my new story.

As I pack the clothes that the old me has worn throughout my life many thoughts run threw my head. What does this place look like? How are the people there? Will I be loved? Will I live as I have my whole life? Will I be accepted? My head will not stop spinning in circles. I don’t even pack a lot, some clothes to last me one season, my needs and that’s it. As my father drives me to the airport I express to him how much I will miss him how I love him and things will continue to be the same no matter how far we are from each other. I will always have a place in my heart for the old me and it’s loved ones but I can’t be here anymore I can’t live the same. This plane ride has already started to change me. My new me has already started moving in to its place in my heart. Then there’s a layover in Arizona, and the old me kicks the new one out and I get angry one whole day on the same chair until someone doesn’t decide to arrive for their flight. I start shaking and my blood starts to move, I can feel the new me trying to fight it but i feel it won’t win. Then, I hear a voice. Jean come on we’re ready you’ll be sitting in coach. So the waiting was worth it! And the new me won!

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