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Depression from Disappointment

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Disappointment is failure to me. How can I see the hurt and disappointed look in my family's eyes when I've upset them. I can't bear to look at them or speak to them so I end up holding everything in myself and don't open up to them. Later it explodes on me when my friends decide to play a seemingly practical joke. I start to question their loyalty to me and if I should trust them or not. True friends should never hurt you even if it was a joke so why should I stay? I stay so I have people to hang out with and not stand out lonely when really the more I stay the more lonely I get. After a day at school, I can't tell my parents anything because of the stress already placed on them with work and my autistic little brother. As a result, I lock myself up in my room with the pile of homework I need to finish before the night ends but I can't with all the thoughts of family and friends. I choose to just go along with all my friends just to fit in and not be such a loner but I'm never myself . Then, I have to be another person for my family so they can see the innocent, happy daughter they want to come home to. Being all these types of people can't be healthy because of my explosion after months of this torture resulting in the huge drop of my grades. Once a straight A's student coming to having two B's which leads to the effect of disappointing my parents in not being the straight A’s daughter that they always want me to be. Can't always please everyone but I try anyway and I end up pleasing everyone but one person, me. One school year over but what about years to come will this routine go on forever or can my depression lead to me breaking free of it?



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