Andrew’s wake was on a rainy evening in November (November 1st). I wore a brown and green and blue dress to it. I saw Stephanie, Aubrey, Kyle, and Steven there for the first time since Aubrey stole money from Aunt Barb. Stephanie and I had the same haircut and looked like twins, despite the seven year age gap and the fact that we hadn’t seen each other in about two years. She still smelled like pickles. Aubrey’s hair was orange. Kyle had stopped growing up and was growing out instead. Steven was the opposite. We all sat together and cried for a while, and then we went and watched a movie. Aunt Barb’s ex-boyfriend was there. My mom told me that he just wanted to keep an eye on “his Barbie.” It made sense. Andrew was Barb’s son. My mom told Ian that he couldn’t take Andrew’s place as the man in the family, that Andrew doing so after uncle Ian died was one of the reasons Andrew ended up hanging himself with his belt. Ian was the one who found Andrew. No one has ever told me if Andrew was actively doing cocaine when it happened.
It was a typical Catholic funeral. The one thing that stuck out as being odd was the feeling of receiving dirty looks from Andrew’s friends. I felt like people were judging us, but I don’t know why. They almost seemed angry that we were mourning him. But I had seen him three days before he killed himself. We had been laughing and having fun. I asked David why he wasn’t crying in the car. He told me that Andrew made his decision, and who was he to pity him for it. I remember feeling both angry at and sorry for David. He just kept hugging me when I would cry. Andrew wanted dancing at his funeral. There was a dance floor and music, but understandably, no one really danced.