She took out my hair and got me in PJ’s. I looked at my mom she had that look of disappointment on her face. But then again when I look at her face I saw a little bit of worry too. I looked at my bed then to the window then back to my mom.
I took a quick shaky breath and asked, “Why doesn’t my daddy love me the way you love me?” My mom looked as if she was about to cry.
She simply said, “I have no clue sweetheart.” Then she tucked me into bed and I lay awake wondering why my own father would lie to his little girl. Someone he said is his pride and joy. I lay awake thinking why me. Of all people, why me I had not done anything but be a little girl. Why did I have a father that could do this to his little girl? I was and forever more will be a daddy’s girl.
When I was about the age of 3 my father and I had planned a special day for us. We were going to go out and have breakfast, go to the park, and then to lunch. He was going to take me shopping and he was also going to take me to dinner. He had a lot more planned but it was a surprise and I never found out. Imyselff was a blonde child. I mean really blonde. I had naturally curly hair and my dad just loved to twirl it around and around on his finger. I had what my dad liked to call baby doll eyes. They were a crystal blue. My dad use to tell me I had ice eyes when I got sad. He told me my eyes go to a sort of yellow color when I got mad. I was chubby as a kid but whole wasn’t. I mean I wasn’t fat but I had some meat on me.
My mom, who is a blonde like me but dyes her hair, had got me up early in the morning gave me a bath and put my hair in a ponytail. My curls just seemed to make one big curl in the ponytail. My mom knew I loved my bangs so she took some of my hair out of my ponytail. The hair that didn’t go in the ponytail was my bang so she cut them to make them look nice. I was wearing my blue flower dress. I was ready for the big day ahead of me.
My mom told me to watch for my dad, but it was too late I was already sitting by the edge of the window waiting for his car to pull up. I could hear my mom in the other room on the phone. She had a tone that I knew by heart. She was talking to my dad. But she had a bit of anger in her voice. Love too. I could tell she was trying to keep her voice low so I couldn’t hear her.
“Roger you better not forget again. I will personally make sure you never see her again if you do not show up today.” I could hear her voice and I felt crying. Why would she talk to him like that? There was a pause. “ROGER!!!!!!,” she said in just a little bit more angry tone but then lowered her voice again, “ why would you schedule work for the day you planned to take your daughter out? This is ridiculous. Man up and tell them you can’t go into work. Either that or you figure something out!!!!!”
I could imagine my dad on the other side of the conversation. I could see his unkempt chocolate hair when he said something and just about anything it would move in front of his face. His hair made him look like a bad boy. I could imagine his eyes changing from its normal greenish blue to his dark green, his color of worry. His amazing cheekbones, they gave him a wonderfully shaped face.
I thought of the things he could be doing while he was on the phone. I was pretty sure I already knew but I didn’t want to think that my dad was driving somewhere with a different women in the car because him and my mom were fighting. I was sure I knew who she was too. She was someone who in about two years would be my step-mom and carry my new little sister, China. I just didn’t understand why my parents couldn’t get along. I know I was young and I should understand but I don’t. He said he loved my mom. Why would you leave her because of a fight? To me it just doesn’t make sense. He lies. She lies. We all lie. Am I right?
The phone slammed down and I could hear her making her way back to the living room. I quickly turned and faced out the window again.
” Sweetie why don’t you come and eat breakfast?” she said in a gracious voice.
“I want to wait for daddy.” I said.
“Daddy might be late sweetie.” I stood up and wiped off my dress. I made my way to the kitchen but not leaving without checking the window one last time.
My mom made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with apple cuts and slices of oranges. I was happy. She knew it was my favorite breakfast. I sat down and ate at our rounded table. I loved sitting in the chair that was in the corner. My dog, Treelow, always sat under that chair. My dog would like my feet or my hand until I secretly slid an orange slice down to her. She was the best part of sitting at the table.









After breakfast I ran straight back to the window hoping to see my dad. All I saw was the little water droplets on the window. Some staying in place and others were rolling down like tears of a child’s face. I guess it started raining when I was eating. I just smiled. I wasn’t about to let anything ruin my day.
The phone rang. I looked into the kitchen as it stopped figuring my mom had got it. Once again I heard my mom’s voice but this time I figured it wasn’t my dad because she was talking about my dad. It was probably my grandma she was talking to. She still sounded upset. She wasn’t only talking about my dad she was saying my name too.
I didn’t pay much attention to her. I was too busy looking at the car that pulled into the driveway. I got excited but then was disappointed to see my aunt get out of the car. I talked with my aunt Connie for a little bit. Before I knew it, it was time for lunch. She gave me some orange slices and apple slices and sat me on the couch to watch some movies. I didn’t want to sit down. I wanted my dad. My mom was serious now. She wanted me to watch movies and I knew why. She knew my dad wasn’t coming and didn’t want me to cry when it came to bed time.
I watched The Little Mermaid, Snow White, and Alice in the Wonderland. I seemed to not even notice that the time flew right on by. It’s funny. I just watched my movies and then after a while I realized that it was dark and my dad still wasn’t here. I walked up to my mom and said I wanted to go to bed. She just gave me a look of sorrow and sympathy and helped me get ready for bed.
She took out my curls and got me in PJ’s. I looked at my mother she had that expression of disappointment on her face. But then again when I look at her face I saw a little bit of worry too. I looked at my bed then to the window then back to my mommy.
I took a quick shaky breath and asked, “Why doesn’t my daddy love me the way you love me?” My mom looked as if she was about to cry.
She simply said, “I have no clue sweetheart.”
Then she tucked me into bed and I lay awake wondering why my own father would lie to his little girl. Someone he said is his pride and joy. I lay awake thinking why me. Have I done something wrong to him? Was it because he got caught up at work? Was he in trouble with the police? Did something terrible happen to him? Every time I tried to close my eyes I thought up of something else so horrible and terrifying that could of happened. I thought of my dad leaving us to. Which I knew was the reason he didn’t come back. I mean we have all done something that he didn’t like. I do love my dad no matter what anyone says he has done.
He is an amazing dad. I really don’t care when people tell me how much they hate him. I walk off laughing. Do they really expect me to get mad at my dad for something that happened in the past? I hope not because I forgave him for this day. This is one of the worst days of my life and I forgave him. He is a lot better now and tells me that he is sorry about how much he hurt our relationship but I just tell him its ok and to not worry about the past because of one reason. If you live in the past, the past will haunt you and you can never move on and live in the big bright world today.
I know people have hurt him and I know I have hurt him, but through everything I am like my dad in many ways. Everything I do reminds me of him. I have his short temper, his laugh, his anger management issues, his problem solving skills, and most of all I have his DNA. I love my dad despite all the things that he has done that has hurt our father-daughter relationship. It always finds a way to repair itself all the same. I love my daddy and he loves me. This will never change no matter what happens in life. When it comes to the day someone gives me away to the man I marry, I want I t to be my dad. I love my dad with all my heart.