As her voice trembles she asks, "Would you like to hold him?" My voice fails me, but I lip yes and nod my head as I hold back the tears in my eyes. Aunt Joni sets a two-week-old baby in my arms, and as I try to breathe I feel a lump in my throat whispering to me, "It's alright if you cry." Finally, he is in my arms that have so much love to give, but not enough time. I carefully unwrap his little body from the blue blanket our aunt made him. Shaking nervously, I though his little hands and then, frightened, I almost lurch away. The nippiness of his discolored skin was almost unbearable. As I do most babies, I stoke his tummy as reassurance of him not being a doll instead. Most dolls I have seen in the past are bigger than him. With him being so small it terrifies me to try and move him around. I am afraid he will fall apart on me like the bodies do in scary movies. While I am reassuring myself, I slowly move towards his tiny hand with one finger and his fingers fall over mine as if he wants to grasp me with a peaceful mind. Looking up I feel as if the bed wants me to race in circles to see who falls first and the tears keep flowing as I stay still. My uncle stands by the dresser not sure what move to make next or what to think of all this. I see in his eyes, how he won't cry in front of us ladies. His strength in times like now are amazing, because he stays strong for not only himself, but others as well. He can see the aches inside me as if Jaman came out of me, so he comes to my side to comfort me. I got my strength back, but it won't last long and my breathing is starting to become heavier as the seconds tick on by. Kelsey, the baby boy's mommy, asks me if I want someone to take him. As my voice tries to speak up I have no time. Aunt Joni jumps in and sasses that I never get tired of holding infants. At this moment, every thing comes flying at me. Overwhelmed I think to myself: God placed everyone on Earth for a reason, and when their purpose is accomplished its time for them to go. Not one person will live here forever and some will go sooner than we want. Some lives are abudged compared to others, but no matter how short or long the life of a person is we should love the all wholeheartedly. I look down at him and the tears become joyful. God gave him some time here to accomplish his goal and he has done so as well as touched many people's hearts. Jaman, thank you for helping me through my tough times. You are making me ache, but I believe this is a fantastic start of no more denial. Baby boy, you have been a blessing from up above. May you now rest in peace.
Babies Are Blessings
October 18, 2012