September 25, 2012
By Anonymous

I hate mirrors. You're probably confused now, but just know this, I hate mirrors. Can't stand 'em. You know why? When I look in a mirror, I see myself.

I've always been jealous of those people that have a high self-esteem. They like themselves. Feel comfortable. Are happy to be them. Some people say I'm pretty. Well, most people say I'm pretty. My orthodontist says I'm pretty. I was voted prettiest 9th grader. But, I don't see it.
You want to know something else? This is embarrassing. But I have a disease. I hate that word, but I have a disease. It's called anorexia. It harms a lot of people. Girls, boys, adults, everyone. And I feel embarrassed to admit it. But, now you know.

You know what else I hate? Anorexia jokes. They're not funny. It's hard being anorexic. It's harder than you know. You now you eat lunch at school? Breakfast in the morning? Go out with your friends? Have some laughs? Yes, that sounds fun. I sincerely hope you enjoy it, because I don't. I leave every meal feeling like going and running for hours just to burn all the calories off. When I broke my nose and they told me I couldn't exercise for awhile, I freaked out. Thinking that I would gain a lot of weight, my jeans wouldn't fit anymore.

Now I'm going to tell you a story. Are you paying attention?

I was in a play called "You Can't Take it With You." We were doing what's called a "speed-through." Which is where everyone sits down and we all just go through our lines as quickly as possible to help us memorize them. I was playing the part of Essie, a ballet dancer who thought she was the best in the world, but in reality she was terrible. I was married to Ed, who was being played by my friend Justin, who was sitting across the circle from me, and he was sitting by my future-brother in law, Tony. I heard my name and looked up. They were both talking about me, and they knew I was listening.

"Oh Rachel? Ew gross." Justin looked me in the eyes and said "You're ugly!" with an evil sort of look on his face. They continued saying things and then Justin looked back at me and said "You're fat."

I'm crying as I type this out, because those words still sting. They burn. They're eating me whole and have dragged me into a life-long battle of anorexia.

It didn't matter if they were joking.

Your words are more powerful than you know. The way that you use them is up to you.

The author's comments:
"[Those words] are eating me whole and have dragged me into a life-long battle of anorexia."

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