Epic Fail

August 3, 2012
By Why_Do_We_Fall GOLD, Fort Wayne, Indiana
Why_Do_We_Fall GOLD, Fort Wayne, Indiana
15 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous, do not be terrified do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you...wherever you go!" Joshua 1:9
"Why do we fall, Bruce?"

“Hold the roll like this and then toss it high into the air over the tree,” Mrs. G explained, holding one of the many toilet paper roles my best friend, Bethany and I had stashed in our hoodie pockets and hoods. It was nighttime in mid-April, proving a perfect cover for Bethany and I slip down the street and attack our friends Evan and Stephen.

We were at war, the four of us that is. It all started the summer before when Evan and Stephen launched a sneak attack from behind the bushes of Bethany's home. Let’s just say it involved some serious water and silly string…so to make a long story short, Bethany and I were behind. This stellar TP plan of our though surely rose above all the efforts made by the boys.

So there we were, the TP virgins, sprinting down to Evan’s house while the boys slept unsuspecting inside. I couldn’t help but think about The House at the End of the Street at this point, but I didn’t share my fears with Bethany. With our overactive imaginations, the deed would have never been accomplished and we would have run back to Mrs. G crying like babies. Were we babies? No, we were soldiers.

Let it be known, that Linden, Michigan at twelve thirty a.m. is a dead town. Actually, people return home from work at about four, so Linden technically turns ghostly at around six. Did this little fact stop Bethany and me though? No, we preserved, even though we had to hide from three cars, one of them being a renegade cop, who waved at us as if to bestow good luck upon our adventure (Yeah...it wasn’t a very good hiding spot…). We persevered, even though we had to dodge the night lights with motion detectors in Evan’s front yard. Curse those lights! We persevered, even though the strange old lady across the street watched us during the whole attack. We persevered, even though we had to make two trips back to the Griffith’s for more TP because of our lack of experience. We persevered, even though it took more than an hour of our precious girl time, but by then we were so giddy the deed was done it didn’t even matter.

Seven o’clock in the morning is when the first texts started arriving, about the state of the Evan’s yard, on our phones. Who in their right mind gets up on seven in the morning during Spring Break? Oh, wait, Evan and Stephan do. Anyways, we got texts like, Wow, you couldn’t come up with anything better than TPing? To YOU’RE GONNA PAY!! Yes, we received threats from our friends down the road, but Bethany and I just snickered and went downstairs to eat some breakfast.

“You girls are up early,” Mrs. G said through a yawn as if she had been the one on the adventure late last night.

“You know us war heroes, we have to rise early if we want to catch the worm…I mean action!” I answered, causing Bethany to nearly squirt milk out of her nose.

“Yeah Mom, look at this,” Bethany handed her mother her cell phone and I followed suit, “We’ve started an uprising!” Mrs. G laughed as she read the texts aloud again, mimicking Evan and Stephan’s voices.

“Why don’t you ask them—“ The phone started to ring, “It’s Evan's mom.” Mrs. G said as she clutched the phone to her chest. I grabbed onto Bethany’s hand and we giggled. “Hello,” She answered normally as Bethany and I tried to keep our volume down. Mrs. G batted her hand at us, motioning she couldn’t hear. “Uh-huh…you don’t say…well who would do such a thing?” She paused and grinned at us, “The girls? Those two would have been too afraid to sneak out in the dark like that. Besides, I was up late watching a movie with Chris; they couldn’t have gotten out then.” More listening, until Mrs. G gasped, “I’ll bet it was one of Nate’s friends,” Mrs. Griffith winked. She was blaming the deed on Evan’s older brother’s friends, how perfect! “You’re right he was out with them yesterday. Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but I heard some noise coming from the direction of your house last night, I wasn’t suspicious until now…” Mrs. G’s voice trailed off and she turned so that we couldn’t see her face. “Oh, I can’t lie to you, Jean!” Mrs. Griffith exclaimed, “The girls went out last night.” More listening, “Yes, I’ll send them over to clean up the mess after breakfast.” And with that Mrs. G hung up the phone and turn back to us, an apologetic look in her eyes.

“Traitor,” Bethany spat, good naturedly and dumped her cereal in the sink, I followed suit. “How will we ever be respected by them after this?”

“We won’t,” I answered. “What an epic fail!” My phone buzzed with another playful threat. Then all three of us burst into uncontrollable laughter. This would surely go down in history!

Bethany and I stalked down the street slowly. The house, now illuminated in the early morning sun, no longer appeared ominous and scary. Evan and Stephan were perched strategically on the porch for maximum view of our humiliation. The family dog, Shadow, ran to us and we played with her for a while, but then Evan's mom handed us two large, black trash bags. We got the message.

Clean up wasn’t that bad, aside from the fact that Shadow peed on the toilet paper on the ground, that was interesting to say the least. The boys taunted us while they chose to eat on the porch, basking in our slave labor.

“What do we do now?” Bethany asked, eyeing the boys over her shoulder as we walked back down the street. I followed suit noticing the smirks on their faces.

“Now lieutenant, this means war!” We laughed all the way home.

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