Welcome To My Life

June 14, 2012
By , lansing, MI
I'm going into my freshman year this coming school year... for my third time in a row.
I just imagine how PROUD my dad would be if he was still alive. Because he wouldnt be.
I remember back in the eighth grade when everybody was jealous of my grades. I had everything. I had scholarships and friends and to be honest, i was a virgin. I hadn't even had my first kiss. Somehow, everything in my life changed in my first semester of my first year in high school.
Not to long before the school year started my best friend introduced me to a friend of hers. I thought he was cute and nice, but i didn't think i was ever going to see him ever again. Turns out though, that he was in my math class. So we talked, and i liked him, and he said he liked me too. We dated for a little while, and i was totally in love with him... even though he cheated on me... alot. I ended up losing it to him, and he told everyone. I still love him. Eventually we broke up, but we stayed together. It was sort of a friends with benefits thing. I thought, maybe, i might still be able to get him back.
I should've known better, but i didnt.
He got me into smoking weed, among other things, and skipping class. I failed all of my classes freshman year, lost my virginity, and all my old friends hate me now because of what i was with him.
My second freshman year i went to a different district because i couldnt stand to continue there with people treating me the way the did because of him. I couldnt go to my locker without someone walking by, pointing and snickering at how much of a failure ive become.
I try to go back to being good at this new school, but its hard. I start to ditch class again, because even on the first day the have me pegged as exactly what i was trying to escape from. I strugle to do whats "right" so i can make my mom happy, my i can stand to even exist with these people, let alone dance like a caged bear.

There used to be this girl i knew, we had been friends since pre-k. I love her more than anything, and she hates my now because i was with him. She says she cant stand to look at me now, because im not the same person that she knew, but i dont feel so different. Isw she right? am i so damaged?
I mean, i know i am, but of all people i expected her to understand.
I lost everyone ive cared about from that school, i lost everything i used to hold dear to me because of him. I'm losing the people that i cared about from my second freshman year too.

So one day i was on facebook, and i was fine. But that girl, she posted "I cant wait! Going into my Junior year"
My heart dropped and i almost vomited right there. Because i realized that we went into our freshman year together, and i was still a freshman. it hit me in just the right way. I gave up. Because she'll never love me again. He'll never love me again. I just dont know what else to do. i've tried everythying i could think of, and no one cares. I'm not even sure why im writting this, but maybe theres a point to it. But i dont know. I dont care. Theres no point in caring anymore.

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