What?

By , Taipei, Taiwan
Today is Valentine's Day, and I got a chocolate delivered to my 1st period class. The handwriting was of a girl's, and my thoughts immediately assumed it was none other than her. I froze My heart was absolutely thrown into a state of confusion and started beating really fast. What the f***? The hand writing looked extremely familiar, and I couldn't quite think of anyone else who would send me one. Plus, she is involved in the Help the Kids Club, which was the organisation sponsering the whole chocolate deliveries anyways. By the time PE ended, I told Brent. I told him of my speculations, and I totally found myself in complete denial, but also, in a aura of joy. It brought back surpressed and buried hope that I had tried so hard to contain; locked up deep inside my heart. As the thoughts of a old friendship floated around my mind, I became glad. Ridiculously giddy in all ways. However, my logical reasoning saw no reason why she would do such a thing. I had to investigate. I had to make sure. I had to.

After doing some careful stalking in the English classroom, I saw that the handwriting on the card did not match the one on her poster from last year. I felt somewhat deflated. I now have to start over. I need to take those thoughts one by one, and shove them back into a box entitled "lost opportunities." I felt extremely foolish as well. Why the hell would she do something like that? I felt like mocking, laughing at myself, for having such idiotic thoughts. I thought about how my concept of "friendship love" might apply to this situation. Why did I immediately assume it was her? I'm still not over her am I? I probably never will be. I asked her friends who's handwriting it might be, and one of them said it might be Trisha's. It was then when I knew that it wasn't her. It had to be someone else. But when I researched around, no one seemed to have sent one. I held the note close to my heart all day until the end of the day. I knew that it couldn't be her.

But there was still this undying thought in the back of my mind.
"But what if it was?"
So what? What would that mean? It wouldn't change anything. The both of us have reached a understanding of silence. To never really associate each other with one another ever again, until we may leave this institution. Perhaps in adulthood, we might be reunited. No, maybe not even then.
I ripped up the note and didn't want to look back.
---
By the time I got started on my essay, the mystery was still irritating me to an endless degree. I had to know who it was. Even if it wasn't her, it had to be someone. I checked around all my friends. They all said no, until I asked my brother. It was just my brother.

It was just a joke. Nothing but a trap for laughter. I'm happy. But also...disappointed. What if it had been her? What would that mean? No. It was stupid of me to assume it was hers. It was just...it seemed too good to be true.

I suppose that hope will never ever die. Never.





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