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Without An Explanation....

I am from a broken
house,
with broken
people,
who have broken
hearts.
In this broken house
love is hard to seek.
I am the unfinished
jigsaw puzzle, with several missing pieces
pieces, that are not meant
to be found.
I am broken.

I am from a house
where,
I am the excuse,
the reason,
why so and so,
did this,
and that.
I am the “Get Out of Jail Free” card.

I am “The Accused.”
Always put on the spot
for
everyone to see and know my mistakes.
I am the bug
under the microscope,
always being watched
and observed.
I am the “sideshow.”

I am from never shedding a secret.
Where the motto
in this house is:
“Whatever happens in this house,
stays in this house.”
I am the “Secret Keeper”

I am from a house,
of opinionated jerks.
Who always have something to say.
Things that are never nice.
I am “Different.”

I am from never
being told,
“I’m so proud of you.”
but all the others have,
Always wondering,
“Am I no good?”
I am a failure.

I am from a dysfunctional
family.
Where the words
“I love you,”
are never said. It’s just another day
of me, being a shadow.

I am from always thinking
negatively,
about myself.
Where in this house,
Self-esteems are not built up,
but broken down.

I am from choices,
most that are not my own.
My life is defined by their choices!
I am the puppet of the puppet master.
I am to “soft”

I am from school,
Which I actually look forward
to going to.
Where I see my awesome friends.
Who I adore,
and cherish.
There,
I am accepted.

I am from school, where I am hardly ever,
judged,
or put down
because of my
differences.
Where I am occasionally hurt
by harsh words
opinions, criticism.
I am from seeing,
myself
as a nobody.
But in my friends eyes:
I am a somebody.
I am no longer a shadow,
but like a ghost.
Who can be present
whenever it wants
to be.

I am from orchestra,
where I can somewhat,
be myself without
being, put down all the time.
Where there are some people
who actually care.

I am from the Black Box.
Where the first
“I’m so proud of you,”
was said to me by a teacher!

I am from orchestra friends.
Who always
have open arms,
available for hugs.
Where there are several
open ears,
to listen to you troubles.
Where several
wise words,
are meant to be said.
And I don’t
have to question them,
because truly,
I know they mean it.

I am from the truth,
of my friends.
I am from the lies
Of my family.
I am from confusion.

I am from fear of rejection,
of any kind.
Where I don’t tell people,
how I feel because,
I automatically assume,
they will think less of me.

I am from judgements,
where I walk into a classroom,
and I automatically feel awkward.
Peoples “thoughts” run through,
my head,
and I believe them.
?I am from fear
of trusting people,
where I automatically assume,
all people
cannot
be
trusted.
Where I have to test,
friends to see,
if there clean hands
will hold
my precious secrets
to hold them in their hands
and never
let
them
go.
Where I am afraid,
that if they know
my secrets….
they won’t be by my side,
to help me
fight through my battle.

I am from fear
of meeting new people.
Because I think
they won’t like me,
where I fear
they,
will call me a fake.
Fearing
that I
will be rejected,
without and explanation why.

I am from fear
of making eye contact.
Where I assume,
that as they gaze into my eyes,
they can see me.
They can see through me,
they can see my secrets.
My past.
Fear
that they
will see the “real” me.

I am from fear.
I am a coward.

I am from a family,
where all they do
is judge,
blame,
and
criticize.
But sooner of later
they will realize,
“You never knew
what you had,
until
you lose it.”

It was now,
that I realized,
all this pain,
all those judgements,
they may have been just words,
but they hurt like a gun shot,
to the heart.
The aftermath of this event,
You’ve changed me,
you tried to bring me sown,
but all you did was make me stronger.

For this decision
is my own,
and I will make it myself.
I might fail, I might succeed.
It’s all up to me.
For I will
write my own ending,
of my story…
without your harsh wards
of judgments.

I am stronger,
than I was before,
and it’s all
because or you!
You made me who I am today!
I AM ME!





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