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You probably won’t read this whole thing. Or maybe you will. It would be awfully nice if you did. So here goes. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still have feelings for you. You’re probably long over me. I’m just brigid. But I don’t know, there is something about you I can’t get over. Maybe it’s cause you’re my first kiss, my first love, my best friend. All those things that we said to each other, about never fighting, staying together and living happily ever after; I haven’t forgotten about that. I hope you haven’t either. Being your girlfriend was so second nature, so easy. Some of the happiest moments of my life, no joke. You could make me smile, laugh, cry, and I really do love you hon, and a place for you will always occupy my heart. Atlanta was seriously one of the best weekends of my entire life. Now I think that I’m just supposed to throw that all away. I don’t want to. Cause I’m not over you. Throwing all of that away would make me really sad. But if that’s what you want me to do, I can do that. If it makes you happy. Because I want that, I want you to be happy. So if you aren’t happy with me, I can learn to be okay with that and to accept that eventually.
I miss texting you, or calling when I’m scared of a storm or franks being… frank. Even if we never get back together romantically, I hope we can still have our friendship, telling each other everything and being best friends, You being the best man at my wedding and not Lauren ;-)
We would text each other 24/7 and all. You know me like the back of your hand, and I the same for you. Playing UNO at midnight and Mooing at each other in world history, and even the times where we had our technical difficulties, we had still managed to be best friends. So I want to thank you, for having my back through my ups and downs, calming me down when I’ve been angry, or scared. That’s friendship. We had a pretty awesome thing going for us. I’d hate to lose it, and you. I mean, who else would watch dumb 80s comedies with me or deal with my 5 mix CDs I make just because?
You probably think I’m crazy. Screw it, I probably AM crazy. I’m sitting here writing you this letter. Because, like I always say, “Letters solve everything”. Anywho, I have been thinking (I’ve been doing an awful lot of that lately) that I do everything wrong. People have just been tearing me to shreds and I’m really kind of sick of it. My panic attacks have been getting worse and more frequent and I’m scared that they’ll never stop. It’s weird. I start freaking out and I can’t stand listening to the silence anymore so I start crying and screaming, hyperventilating. It’s hell.
You take up so much of my thoughts, memories, and dreams. I never wanted to let you go which is weird. We’re only in high school and yet, I love you. I actually thought we’d get married. Am I that naïve? To get sucked into this relationship and expect it to last?
You thought it’d last
I thought it’d last
Our friends thought so
My mom thought we’d last… she really did.
We might have, who knows. Maybe we split ways now, and later we’ll become best friends again. I don’t want to lose you. I just want you in my life. Whether its as acquaintances, friends, best friends, a couple, whatever.
I just can’t lose you.
I’ve let enough good things in my life slip through my fingers, I can’t let that happen. I just… can’t.
I still believe that the reason I moved here to NC was that God wanted me to meet people that would help me blossom and shape who I am. I have made friends I will keep for the rest of my life. Friends that have saved me. Caroline, Julia, Sofia, Elizabeth, the cast of zombie prom, you. You probably have no idea of how much my friends mean to me. They’re my life. When my family annoys me, they’re my second family. I like it. It’s the way I work, how I function. That’s why I’m fighting so hard for you. You’re my best friend, always. We pinkie promised, and you know how serious I am about those ?
Well, this is quite a letter I’ve got here. I guess I should begin to say my goodbye for now. A T.T.F.N of sorts, just like Tigger. I hope you have a good summer Kunny, and I hope that whatever you do, the adventures that you have, I hope that you’re happy. With whoever and whatever you do. “My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you wanted. May your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. Yeah this is my wish.” I’m just a phone call or text away, there are always letters too ? Anywho, I’ll be here if you wanna talk, or hang out, go get a blizzard or something. I’m rambling.
I hope you read this.
I guess I’m being a stupid idiot. Yeah I am. But I’m brigid so its all good by me.
Stay spontaneous, stay marvelous, Just Be.
So Garebear this is it, catch you on the flip side.