The Secrets That I Keep - 4

May 24, 2012
By Anonymous

He was deathly still, lying on the ground in front of me. I knew he was just playing, but it still gave me the chills to think that sooner than later, he was going to permanently be that way. Makes a girl wanna cry. I bent down and reached out to cup his cheek with my hand. His flew up and grabbed mine toppling me over onto his chest. “Don’t DO that Jonny, I don’t wanna break you.” And it was true. Jonny was now six foot two inches in height, and almost exactly a hundred thirty pounds. The last doctor’s appointment put him at 3.7% BMI, and decreasing. He was dying of malnutrition at this point. He refused to eat.

“Do I get a kiss?” I shook my head at him. “Pretty please?” He jutted out his lower lip in his pathetic excuse for a puppy face.

“Let me make you something to eat. It’ll be awesome. We can do the ‘Everything but the kitchen sink’ pizza.” I looked at him, trying to put concern out of my expression and add hopeful joy. It’s extremely hard to be happy when all you want to do is cry. Rolling me off of him, he sat up and looked me over a couple of times before hanging his head between his knees.

“Okay,” he said “But I still deserve that kiss.” I nearly jumped on him, pressing my lips to his.

“Promise to help me eat the whole thing?” I pulled my mouth back a little, teasing him.


“Whoop whoop!” I wrapped my arms up and around his neck pulling him close. He was going to eat! I couldn’t have been happier.

September 3, 2008

Dear Journal,

Hallelujah! The doctors said, “Remission.” He’s getting better! He’s getting better! Oh, I could just jump up and down screaming right now. My guts are all in knots from the explosive joy I have to hold in. I’m gonna freak out in a minute! Oh my God, thank You so much, You have no idea how much this means to me…



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