Back and Forth

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Everyone makes many decisions in his or her life. A very small decision may make a person’s life totally different. I am always afraid of making an important decision, because I am afraid of making a wrong decision and I may regard in the future. If I don’t try, I will never know the result, so the thing I should do is to be brave to make a decision. Even I make a wrong decision, I chose it, and so I must finish it. I should try my best to finish it, even I fail, and at least I try.

When I was in grade 6, my mother talked about studying abroad with me. She told me a lot of advantages of studying abroad, but none of that can interest me. Maybe I was still a little girl in that time, I am afraid of leaving my family, leaving my friends who I got along with for six years, going to a unknown environment and there was many drama show said that the life of people who study abroad is hard, local people would bully them. There were many strange and scary situations came up in my little head, so I rejected at fist.

A year later, when I was in grade 7, I got to know a new friend, called Young, I got along with her well, and she told me that her family would move to U.S. in the future. Because I wanted to always beside her, I told my mother that I wanted to study in U.S., but I didn’t tell her the true reason, because I thought she would reject me for my so silly and weak reason.

The first time I went to embassy to ask for a F1 visa, when I was in grade 10, I failed and the officer didn’t tell me the reason. I felt so said and I cry, but Young stayed beside me and supported me, so I took it easy very quickly. I prepared for the next time very soon, but during that time, I broke the friendship with her, that made me very sad, I didn’t want to go at that time, but I am scared of telling my mother. During that time, I devoted myself to study, because I didn’t want to be sad by thinking of the friendship with her, I wanted to cheer up myself. At that time I gave myself another reason to study aboard, I told myself that I didn’t like teaching methods and the system, I didn’t want to study for test, I wanted to learn what I love to learn, I wanted to study for my future.

Finally, I got the F1 visa luckily when I was in grade 11 and I built friendship with Young again. When I got U.S. , she was still in China, but she still spent lots of time to accompany me, we talked in skype or text whenever I had time. Whenever I met a challenge, she was always beside me and supported me, even though she could do nothing to help me, but it still made me feel warm and have energy to go ahead. My first half year was went very well, but I didn’t focus on study very well, both because I spent almost all of my time on her.

Unfortunately, I broke the friendship with Young again before the final exam on spring trimester. Of cause I was very said, at the very beginning I couldn’t focus on study, I hung out every day, but later I realized I couldn’t act like that anymore. My mother spent a lot of money to provide me to study in U.S., I couldn’t make her disappointed, and so I pushed myself to study. Fortunately, I get a good grade in the final.

After the summer, the first night I got U.S., I began felling lonely, I couldn’t watch drama like in China, I couldn’t play outside with my friend, she wouldn’t talk with me anymore. You may ask me, “you stay in US for half year, you didn’t make any friend?” I spent all of my extra time with Young, I never sign for the weekend activities, and I often didn’t have lunch and dinner or have those with phone, so I didn’t have good friend here actually. Lonely was just one of the reasons that made me sad. I also thought of my future, I was so worried about it, I felt lost, I just had a year to prepare for SAT and TOEFL test, and I also needed to pay attention to my academic study. I really regarded at that time, I asked myself “why I am here? I wanted to back to China!” I know it was impossible, I didn’t have any way of escape, and I just could keep going, however. The fact proved that I thought too much, what I thought about at that night is unnecessary.
When the school started, my life became enrich and totally different with what I have imagined at that night. I made friends with other Chinese students, we signed the weekend activities, went out for dinner, went to open gym, watch drama in the room together, and I always hung out in the dorm. I became more cheerful than last half year. I made full use of my time, I studied harder than before, I went to extra help more often than before, I talked with my teacher as more as possible.

Once the route I chosen, I have to walk it through, even on I knees. I stopped my feet twice, but finally I chose to go ahead, and I think I must go ahead. Even though my reason of study abroad was weak at the beginning, but I made it became stronger by myself. Now, I am studying aboard for myself not for anyone. I think I find my way now!





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