To Persevere

February 2, 2012
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There’s a memory that haunts her. She feels it happening every night, she sees things in her dreams that feel so real, but she feels she has no control. She remembers laying with her dad, talking to him. Then he made a move and she could not get him off. She felt like she was suffocating, it hurt; she looked up at him and said, “Stop!” It looked like he heard her, but he didn’t listen. Her feelings shone through her eyes that were glazed with tears that streamed down her face as she still struggled. When she was finally let go, she thought to herself, why would he do this? She thought he was supposed to protect her, why would he hurt her so bad and pretend like nothing happened? But what did she do? she feels like she did something to deserve it. She just doesn’t know what she did so wrong. The pain still lingers and seeps deep into her soul and imbedded in her mind. She remembered another time, she was coming back from school and he tried again but she ran up the stairs and locked the door, but he chased after her and broke open the door. The only other option she had was to jump, as she fell, tears ran down her face, she smashed her knees into a big pile of rocks, which gashed her knees, but she didn’t stop she ran so far, she felt like she was aimlessly running, she was flying, she had no destination, escaping the hands that were supposed to love her, instead hurting her. So many thoughts and feelings confused her. Why?! What did she do? Those questions still terrorize her, but when she asks, she knows that she won’t be able to handle the answers… but she still wants to know so desperately! She feels so ashamed and so dirty; A drafty chill shoots through her body. Every night she deals with the pains in her past. This is what she feels when the lights go out and the moon shines, she lay awake with the pain of knowing she’s still alive; With the pain that makes her feel like she’s already dead. Dying slowly; In this crazy messed up world, there’s so many things that remind her that she’s walking alone and won’t stop hurting, she can’t wait for her last breath, so her pain will finally fade away or she could persevere…

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