Cant Take it Back

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I was not the best of kids; however I found the best of me in Immane Khalil Gulley Brown. He was my boyfriend of almost 9 months. He was my first love. Our relationship was strong, but like most people we had our problems. What is my problem you might ask? My problem is that I’m not articulate and I’m a real "open spirit." When we broke up I felt as though I needed to fling myself in front of a garbage truck because I felt like "Sh--." Out of spite I thought to myself, "What is the worst thing you can do to an ex--- Their brother." That was my tragic revelation. Shortly after I planned my “attack” I texted Kam Brown, his brother. He's 3 years older than Immane, and 4 years older than me.
The first message I sent to him was, "I want you." We exchanged messages for 9 days. Last message sent was "Well I’ll see you at camp ;)"
Camp day came. Kam was a counselor, as I knew he was previously. I choked on my breath around him, not because I was happy to see him but because I could anticipate what was to come. Literally.
After 2 days of mindlessly doing workshops I got a message at 11:07pm. "Meet me behind your cabin, 1:30am." Kam said. As soon as I received that message a surge flew through my body as if I was just hit with a 1,000 volt lightning bolt. It was happening. "I’m a crazy b****," I told myself. I wanted to retreat as soon as I got the message but I hate to be a tease. Every time I looked at the clock it was if 5 minutes flew past. So at 1:10am I started preparing myself for the endeavors. I wasn’t a virgin but it was my first time feeling like a whore. 1:28am came around all too fast.
I looked down from my top bunk, then to the floor, then at the door. Every cabin had a camp counselor in it. I looked at over at her bunk that was parallel to mine, her face was buried in her pillow. I held my breath and wrapped my legs over to the creaky ladder, making sure only my toes were touching the steps so I wouldn’t make too much noise. I skidded across the floor, soundless. I tip toed to the door and slowly turned the knob and stepped out, I then let out a quiet sigh. “I am a ninja!” I thought to myself.
I walked around the cabin slowly and quietly, careful not to wake the other cabins. I had to creep out of my cabin and I didn’t want to ruin it by stepping on a branch.
And there was Kam.
Every touch felt like betrayal. His hands felt cold as if he had held his hands in a fridge for an hour. We didn’t kiss. We just began. No intimacy. It was just a mindless ritual. I laid on the cold wooded porch. It was small but big enough to balance on. The way I was positioned if I sat up the girls in my cabin would see me. The window was 5 inches above my head. "You Ready?" He said. "Shhhhhh" I said. Then it started. Every thrust was like a knife through Immane’s face. My body was numb I felt nothing. It was unusually cold out. All of a sudden my cabin lights flashed on! I felt like a deer in headlights! I could suddenly smell the pine trees and the lake that was just down the road… I heard someone say "There it is." then the lights went back off, I’m assuming that someone was trying to find their phone or some nonsense, but I was in the clear.
The moon was shining just to spotlight my moment on the stage.
Kam is but an alternate actor in my play, he only goes in if something happens to another cast member. I was an actor in the show but I was also an audience member, watching myself, front row. “Applause.” The audience is stunned. Curtains close.
"Thanks little one." Kam said as he left. I redressed myself and sat there thinking… "I've gotta change the script.” Lights up.





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