View On Life

He stood there looking at me, those eyes as blue as the sky staring deep into my soul. Why can’t you trust anyone, he curiously asked? I wanted to lie; I hate it when people know personal stuff about me, especially when I don’t know if I can trust them, I feel like I’m giving them the tools to hurt me. However, staring into those beautiful blue eyes I realized I can’t think of a single lie. I search high and low in my brain but to no avail. I sigh and scanned the floor, doing my best to dodge his beautiful blue eyes, scared to tell him the answer, scared to see his reaction. The stench of teenagers wafted through the band room. I sighed again and mustered up the courage to look into those eyes, those beautiful eyes. I became lost in and confessed gazing at him and before I realized what I was doing I blurted, I can’t trust people because they really don’t care. People don’t care about others, not really anyway, they are always looking out for themselves. I wanted to stop there but apparently my mouth didn’t, the only reason people want to get close to others is so they can find out their secrets and use their secrets against them. To discover someone who genuinely cares about people is like finding the diamond in the rough, I stuttered. What the hell happened to you to make you think that, he questioned? His gazed scared me and I tried to run, however, my feet suddenly became woven in with the carpet. I’ve seen the real side of people, I stated as if everyone knew that. He stared at me with a look in his eyes and felt ashamed; I felt the sharp sting of the knife as it penetrated my heart, I hated disappointing him. Explain. I could hear the anger and curiosity mingling in his voice. Looking into his memorizing eyes, I knew I had no choice. My stomach did a back flip frightened to tell him truth, frightened to say the truth, frightened that if I tell the truth, if will make the truth more real.

She is an angel, plain and simple. That’s how everyone perceived her anyway. She could do no wrong, she was a strong Christian, went to church every Sunday, and joined her church for mission trips. Tank tops don’t cover enough its wrong to wear them she would chant whenever she saw someone wearing one. Everyone saw her as flawless except me, I saw through the charade act she preformed of so well, hell she was better actress than Lindsay Lohan. I saw the real her, the her that no one seems to see anymore. She is no angel for she has committed adultery. Whenever she struts around the band room acting like she has never sinned, I feel the urge to march right up to her b**** slap that cocky grin off her face and remind her. Remind her that she has committed adultery on her least two boyfriends, was the other woman for a foolish boy, stabbed a man in the heart who was in love with her, and kept dragging him after her like a rag doll, making it impossible for him to break free of her wicked spell. Let’s not forget she use to swear all the time and acts superior toward everyone, cowering over those who fear her, gorging on their fear. Yet on the surface she is an angel, to everyone else she is an angel.

There is no secret about it; the dragon lady has a personal dislike toward me, to say it lightly. I know I’ve messed up, but it is not like she is miss innocent. She isn’t just the smart, funny, talented girl she portrays. Underneath her act, behind her mask her true form shows. She is the dragon lady that lives in the deep depths of darkness, befriending evil and doom. She is the dragon lady she can do no ill will, she can never be wrong. Her, wrong? BLASPHEMY! The dragon is never wrong and she will fight to the death to prove it. The dragon also obtains all her treasures, she wants it she takes it, even by means of force, or b****iness. Mr. Gurk rawr rawr I want this grr rawr , her secret weapon. She acts like her rancid dragon breath smells like beautiful roses. She uses her dragon powers of b****iness to make her victims suffer and render them helpless. She isn’t perfect yet she stands like she is a fairytale princess. I want to pull a King Author and slay the dragon using Excalibur. I see the evil, cynical, selfish dragon that she is, everyone else sees the sweet, kind, loving butterfly she portrays.

She is my twin separated by seven years. I am her mini me, she is my twin, I trusted her with my life when I was young. Boy was I dumb. My junior year I was standing at attention for our band camp show out on the football field. The smell of freshly cut grass filled the air. I looked around the stands, eagerly trying to seek out my twin. She promised she’d come, I kept whispering to myself, as if that would make her magically appear, she promised me and dad she would come. She won’t break her promise, not this time. My mind began to flood with all the memories, all the broken promises she made. For all my Elementary school concerts, she was gone, all my band concerts, I got a lame excuse, now this band show, not even so much as a hint of not coming. Usually I would be blessed with some half-ass excuse as to why she can’t make it at the last second, I have exams coming up, the weather is to bad for me to drive, etc. She knew know matter how much I wanted to, my heart would cave in and I would easily, quickly, graciously forgive her. So there I am standing on the football field in my band uniform waiting for Mr. Gurk to shut up, if that was even possible, he talked more than a gossiping teenage girl, so we could finally perform and then I could hurry up and rush home to wallow in my sorrows alone. A tear escaped my eye, and within ten seconds it was like Niagara Falls was rushing out of my eyes. The tears plummet to the ground, with the speed of light, and I just hope no one would notice. What was once the smell of freshly cut grass was replaced with the stench of disappoint as the band began to perform. I couldn’t even manage to play through all the tears and disappointment; it took all my energy to simply march. Why did I trust her, why did I tell her everything, and most importantly, why did she always abandoned me? Those questions cycled through my head for the rest of the never ending day.

KELSEY I LOVE YOU she screeched. Love you to doll I reply nonchalantly, knowing full well we both just lied. She is beautiful, smart, loved, athletic, talented, and so much more. I was always there for her. When she needed me I would defend her from all the b****es out there, I would sit and listen as she would talk s*** about everyone, and never tell anyone afterwards, I would take in her secrets and guard them with my life, also I would make her laugh and smile while she is balling her eyes out by making a funny face, noise, telling a joke, or even just comforting her. Yet she hurt me, still does and she does it incognito so that no one notices. She was like James Bond in that matter. We would laugh our heads off telling sexual jokes, talk about anything and everything in the world, usually involving band, until someone else comes around then I’m like Casper and magically become invisible against my own will. She does the same to others too though, so I’m not the only one who suffers because of her; she drags me and others around like useless ragdolls. Letting us get covered in mud and rain, and then tossing us aside when the sun comes out. The world revolved around her and that is the way she preferred it, she is the queen and we are just her pawns; doomed to do all the dirty work and suffer just so she can have her way and be happy.

Still gazing into his beautiful blue eyes I see the look of astonishment on his face. I wait for an eternity, yet he still doesn’t say anything, just stares at me. I begin to fidget feeling vastly uncomfortable. Finally the silence became to much, I hear kids coming down the hallway laughing and squealing, must be freshman girls. I needed this to end before they came pass us. I searched deep down inside me looking for the courage. With a large sigh I whispered, that is why I don’t trust people. That’s tragic, he cooed. That’s life, I stated with confidence and authority.





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