Words can’t even describe of what I feel for you. I’ve never held you but I already love you with all my heart. The minute your mom (my sister) told me she was pregnant; I was so thrilled and happy. It was just a rollercoaster of emotions. Her pregnancy wasn’t planned out. She started crying, I didn’t know what to do. She was only 17 and had her whole life ahead of her as a senior. I told her not to worry; I’m here for you I told her. I’ll be like the dad that she may never have. Because your faggot ass dad was addicted to meth and just screwed his life completely because of that. He has no papers and no life. He’s in jail right now and then he’ll get deported. Who knows what will happen from then. My hope was for your mom not to abort you. That’d be like putting a bullet in my heart. I knew she wouldn’t do that to an angel. I’ve loved you as an angel the day your mom told me she was pregnant. I’ll most likely see you as my daughter. I love kids and kids love me. I’m going to treat you like a princess that you are. I wish to have a daughter or son but I’m waaay to young for that. When I do have my kids there going to be my world like you. I’ll protect you through thick and thin! I have my life planned out with you in it. It’s just three more months than I’ll finally be able to hold you. I’m so stoked for March 18!! I want to fast forward my life for that day. Your mom is my best friend and wants me to be there with her. She even wants me to cut the umbilical cord. Ha. It’s going to be a new beautiful chapter in my life. Even though blood and needles make me want to faint and throw up. But I’m capable of being there and watch the minute you are born. I hope you take the looks of your mom’s side of the family because your dad isn’t handsome. Ha. Let’s just hope for the best as long as you’re healthy I’m fine with that. It kills me inside knowing that when you’re born you’ll have to go to surgery. I ask myself why you? You haven’t even been born yet and you are already struggling with life. I don’t think nobody knows how I feel inside. I don’t like talking about it because it makes me want to cry. The only people I tell are the people I trust, which are very few. You can’t trust a lot of people out here Hun. Other than that people just sit there and talk s*** which is very rude and annoying. It just makes our family feel even worse than what we already feel. The day they told my sister of what was occurring with you, we busted out crying. It was the worst moment and feeling in the world. I’ve never felt so sad and depressed ever in my life. The doctors even told your mom that you have chance of not living. Until this day I’m still wishing that everything will come out good during surgery. And everything will be normal. I just want to see you walk and smile and do everything I can do. Today is 12-8-10 and I’m writing this for you say maybe just maybe you can read this. I love you with all my strength. Till death do us apart!
Brittania Faith Samano
January 12, 2012