As the clock ticks closer and closer to midnight I can't help but reflect at the year that has passed. I know I have changed. Maybe for the better, maybe not, but I am changed for good. I found myself happier and more carefree earlier, while certain realities about my situation, and that of those close to me, we're yet unknown. Oh ignorance is bliss. Gosh darn the truth. It doesn't set anyone free. It's just disappointing. 

Now I could say my mother has turned me into a liar, has made me keep a secret for her. One that will hurt my step-father if I do tell. I wonder if maybe it is unfair that I should say she turned me into a liar, I made the choice to keep it a secret. I don't want anybody to get hurt, especially the man who raised me since I was 3 years old. What do I do?

January 5
I'm in my senior year in high school looking down the road of a divorce. This is really throwing a monkey wrench into the whole financial aid thing for college. Should I put my step-day's salary or the fact that my mom DOESNT HAVE A JOB. With one I can get enough aid to go to college, with the other, the salary is too big for me to qualify for need-based help. The divorce is happening. At least I think so. I just HATE being held in suspense. If they are going to split up, I want them to do it soon because I have to fill out the FAFSA and I don't want to mess things up if/when my financial situation drastically changes.

January 10
Reading what I just wrote makes me feel bad. Makes me sound kind of whinny and shellfish. I guess I should be hoping that my parents stay together, but deep down I know they'd be miserable if they do. Mom looks at dad like very word he says smells like a fart. And he is just tired all the time. It has been a good week between them though. No fighting or long winded speeches. No sit-down talks about divorces or moving out or selling the house. It's an eerie sort of normal-ness bubble that is suspended in my house. I'm terrified for when it finally bursts and what will cause it to.