Emotions can be hidden, hidden behind straight faces, and nervous laughs. They can be hidden behind those quick sideways glances to see what you and her are sharing a smile about this time. I love you yes, but you are too busy loving her to notice. We used to talk for hours on end, now even a glace in the hall is a miracle. I try to be strong, and I pretend I am being strong for you. I try to be patient, and I pretend I am being patient for you. I die inside every time I see you laugh with her. It just kills me that your life seems perfect without me. A shadow in the streets, watching from a distance, now I know what it feels like to sway in the background. Almost all the time I cry over you, I pretend to be happy for you but sometimes I come off as mean. Telling anyone what is going on is not a good choice, I hide it. I cry in the shower so the running water drowns the sound of my tears out. In the morning I try extra hard just to look my best, especially for you. But she always looks better. I could never live up to her perfectness. You want a pretty girl and I will never fit that expectation that you have, but notice that I love you anyways. After the roller coaster that you have put me through, you still don’t know how much I love you. It’s been all in my head, yes or has it? I try to make you jealous some times; I have tried anything to get you away from her. It worked for a short time, but she always seems to weasel back into our lives. Just when I think we are best friends again then you have to ruin it by talking to her, and holding her hand. Most of the time you don’t talk to me all day, and when you finally acknowledge my existence all you talk about is her. My life could never be complete without you. The thought of loosing you would be unbearable; I don’t know how I could live. I love you—I really love you. And I pray that God can give me the strength to tell you the truth, and when I get that strength I pray that you love me back.
i LOVE you
November 18, 2011