Don't be a Statistic

By , Leominster, MA
It’s hard to find the light when you’re lost in the dark. 30 to 50 percent of high school students have been involved with dating violence. I am one of those teens. However, I am one of the lucky ones. 30 percent murdered females between the ages of 15 and 19 were killed by their significant other. Abusive relationships are dangerous and far more common then one may think. Only 33 percent of abused women tell someone about the relationship. I was in an abusive relationship, and this is my story.

It all started in seventh grade. I met Scott (name changed) and we instantly hit it off. He was from a different school and a different town so I figured nothing would come of it. However, that night he friend requested me on Face Book and we started talking. He was so easy to talk to and he made me eel special. We continued to talk every day and we soon exchanged phone numbers and talked even more. I’m not the type to open up but I poured out my heart and soul to him because I felt I could trust him. He did the same and soon enough we were best friends. After a few months we both wanted to be more than friends so we made it official and I was so happy. He was the perfect guy. He could always cheer me up, he always encouraged me to do my best, and he was the only one who really understood me. We loved each other.

Just when everything seemed to be perfect, things started to change. He was still always there for me when I was upset but when I was happy it was almost like he wanted to bring me down a peg. I don’t have great self esteem and am not the type to brag so I don’t know why he couldn't let me just simply be happy with myself. I tried to ignore it but as time went by it worsened. It wasn’t something I could really put my finger on but something was very different then that first night I met him. He also showed more of an angry side. Scott had always seemed very chill and let stuff roll off his shoulders. I get very caught up in stuff, but he is the complete opposite and I loved that about him. But he started to change. He would yell and get very upset over the smallest things and we started to get in stupid fights way more than the occasional disagreements we previously had. He became very angry and was no longer the happy fun-loving guy I fell for.

At this point my close friends were trying to convince me that Scott was no good for me and that I should end it. I told them they were crazy. I loved him and I was determined to change him. Over the next few months everything got worse. I wasn’t allowed to be happy. He was controlling my entire life. It started off with him just snapping at me when I would go on about something good that had happened to me like a great ride on my horse or a good test grade. It continued to him threatening to leave me if I hung out with my best friend because he did not like her. I started to make excuses not to hang out with her because I was afraid of him leaving. I thought I needed him and I was scarred of life without him. I thought that without him, I would be nothing. He would tell me I didn’t know how to ride my horse that I put all of my blood, sweat, and tears into because I wasn’t good enough. Every time I did something good, he was embarrassed because I could have done better. He made me feel like I was worthless. He told me time and time again I wasn’t good enough and after enough times, I started to believe him. I listened to him and I was totally convinced he was right and I deserved to be treated the way I was. I always made excuses for him when my friends and family asked about his behaviors and whenever I could keep them out of it, I would. I didn’t want them to know about it. They all had me up on a pedestal and I didn’t want them to see how worthless I really was. I was completely under Scott’s control. I was his puppet.

There came a day last summer where I couldn’t take it anymore. He was at the barn with me and was telling me that I should sell my horse, Polo, because he was a “piece of s***, tire kicker”. Polo is my best friend and he means the world to me. I was scarred but for the first time ever, I jumped to Polo’s defense and yelled back at him. At first he was taken aback. I honestly think that he was just surprised and a little shocked that i had the guts to stand up to him because I never had before. He was fuming and he turned around to walk away. I said his name and he stopped, but did not turn around. I realized I was at fault, or at least I thought that at the time, and I went to apologize. I walked up to hug him from behind and he did the unthinkable. I never thought he would take it to that level and I have never been more afraid in my life.

He wound up, turned around, and his clenched fist met my terrified jaw. I have never felt the way I felt in that moment before. I did not know what to do. I started crying and apologizing. He got madder, turned around, stormed out of the barn but not before shoving my box of grooming tools to the ground and throwing a bag of apples he was holding at me. He got in his car and left. I looked at the driveway, then at Polo, and back again. Still sobbing, I didn’t know what to do. I hugged Polo and cried like I have never cried before. Polo stood there, understanding, and to this day, he has never looked at Scott the same way. Looking back, I wish I had put all my trust into Polo back then instead of Scott. The horse deserved it more.

I just recently got out of my relationship with Scott. It took a year after the first hit but I finally broke down, opened up, and told someone about the relationship and the harm. In that year the abuse got worse, especially the mental. I was totally under his control and I believed every lie he told me about how he loved me and how I needed him. In the end, I told my coach, my two best friends, and my close family. They helped me get out of it. I still have to wake up every day and tell myself I’m better off without Scott and I am not worthless. To be honest, it’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I know it was right. I hope that after reading this; girls will understand there is a way out. Don’t be a statistic. Reach out, ask for help. There are ways to be free. Don’t let anyone control your life like I did. I know it’s hard, but try to find the light.





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LifesIllusion said...
Nov. 25, 2011 at 8:54 am

I really felt like I needed to comment on this becasue this is really an amzing story. You did the right thing by gettting out of the relationship even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. You wrote this with such detail and heart, I wouldn't change a thing about it.

I know this is a lot to ask but you obviously have a real talent for writing. Is there any way you could check out my work? differently and the friend wars. I could really use your feedback to make my writing better.

 
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