Unknown Judgments

“Stevie you just are not good enough for me” as hundreds of people loudly scream this into my ear, in a intimidating tone in there voices.
Everyone judges everyone, it is just a natural thing that we all grow into. Just like like those pairs of shoes that you buy but are still to big, but soon will grow into and never take them off. Wait, I don’t really think of is a some healthy habit that everyone just falls into. It is more like some nasty habit that people just pick up. You try it once and you just can’t stop. It is just like all of a sudden you got addicted to some terrible drug, and it would be impossible for you to ever stop.

Just by walking down the street, someone will take one glance at you and they will instantly start putting labels all over you. Like you are a piece of fruit, that is out dated and old, so they think that it is fine, to just to drown you in all these harsh labels. You are probably judging me right now as you read this, not only judging me, but my writing and how i spell every single word and every single comma or period i put in it this inspirational memoir. STOP IT! please, people judging people like this is recking our society, and the people that are in it. Millions of people have killed themselves just because of this. Is that what you want? is that what our society has become? Just because you might not like someone or something, doesn’t mean that you need to try to tear them apart with your high expectations, or self pity. As i grew older i fell straight into the deeps depth of judging others by there looks, or appearances they had. I had felt lost and sense everyone else was doing it i felt i might as well go do it myself.

Do you remember when you were little and you would wear whatever you wanted because you didn’t care about what others thought about you? Everyone was there self. No one thought about there hair, or the friends they had, everything was just so perfect. But now, before my eyes i can only see everyone, standing here lost, and alone, trying to figure out who they are, and how they can be accepted by others. I have felt that way for a long time, always looking for who i was. To be honest i am still looking for myself. I have been looking under rocks and breaking locks, but i am still astray in this vast world full of lost souls. That one thing that i thought i could always fall into, with hope that it would be there to catch me. I lost it. My only hope to ever figuring out my journey through life.

Do you remember that time when you place something that is very special to you, in a secret place, so know no one will find it? But then you forget your secret place is at, and lose it. My soul is lost in that secret place that i will never figure out were it is, or how i will ever figure out, how to find it. Last year i tried my best to try to find it. After trying so hard, for so long, I had finally found it. I started being who i really am, being my self. I had lost almost every single friend i had ever had. I felt terrible about myself, and how so many people did not accept me for who i truly was. My dreams were dieing inside of me, i had told my self over, and over, that i am not good enough to ever reach my dreams. People started hating me just for me being me. I felt lonely, like i had no one to fall back on, as i slowly fell. I still feel like i can trust no one, and no trusts me. I have not met one person in my life that truly excepts me for who i am, or let my hard shell fall apart just for them to notice and see who i really am, without judgment or anger.

Once again i had lost it. But this time it felt like to me i had let it go. My soul had slipped right out of my hands. I felt like i was trying to pick up that slippery piece of soap, but i could only hold it for a second, until it’s smooth slippery substances slides right out of my strong gripping fingers, lenched around it.

I did not want to grow up like this. When i saw myself growing up when i was little, i imagined have tons of friends, doing good in school, and meeting tons of nice caring people. That was not my realty. I got stuck in this small school were being yourself is never good enough. I was always trying to grasp who i was. With all of these harsh judgmental people, always surrounding me i just could not be myself, without someone coming over and and ripping my soul out. Words. I had always thought about how people can tear others apart just with there words. They seem so Innocent. But i have figured out they really do hurt. They sting you right were it really matters. your heart.

After loosing it once again. I had finally given up. I started hiding behind that large mask of despair and loss. I was not the me that everyone hated and didn’t want to talk to, or even look at. I was me but in a different form, a different person. Someone who was trying to be good enough for the hundreds of people screaming in my ear telling me that i was not good enough for there high unbeatable expectations.





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